The Wait

     The most common question I've gotten over the past 6 months is: "so....howya doing?"  You have to imagine all the faces looking at me cocked to the side in the same manner, slightly furrowed brow, many times a light hand on my shoulder, and bit of a sing-songy voice.  It's a sincere question and I love how many people are so invested in this adoption process that they earnestly want to know.  My response is almost always, "awww, thanks for asking!  It depends on the day, but I know God has the perfect time for Little One to come home."  It sounds trite, but it's absolutely true....sorta. ;) I KNOW God's timing is perfect and He has been SO incredibly faithful through this entire process.  I cannot question His hand of direction, favor, blessing or comfort at all.  "I will not leave you as orphans' (John 14:18); "God sets the solitary in families" (Psalm 68:6); "For every season there is a time" (Ecc 3:1); "For all things work together for good" (Romans 8:28), I know these truths and whole heartedly believe them.  But.....what I'm screaming on the inside is "THIS SUCKS!!!!!!!!!  I CANNOT WAIT ONE MORE SECOND! WHY CAN'T I BRING MY PRECIOUS CHILD HOME RIGHT NOW?!?!?!  I'm seriously one more adoption form away from a fit on the floor like a two year old: I. WANT. MY. KID. HOME.  What doesn't help is the news from my doctor this week that I have a bleeding ulcer.  "Do you have any extra stress in your life right now?"  You've got to be freaking kidding me...

      Easter service brought me new insight on The Wait.  There was one sentence said in passing by my pastor that caught my ear. It was more of a bridge phrase in the middle of the sermon discussing our lives in response to Christ's death & resurrection.  "...and while we are waiting for Jesus's return...".  We are waiting.  Wait...what?  That means Jesus is waiting too.  Jesus is waiting to bring us home.  He has been waiting a l-o-n-g time. (lightbulb!) This has got to be killing him! (no pun intended).  I had seriously had never given ANY thought to what our Savior must be feeling as He waits to bring US to HIS forever family.  In fact, the more I analyzed the image that I did have, it was more of an uber-compliant second-in-command waiting patiently at the right hand of Father for his decree to go and round us up like cattle and heard us into Heaven.  Honestly...like Spock standing next to Kirk on the deck of the Starship Enterprise; compliant, logical & without emotion. 

(No, I won't reference Dr. McCoy as the Holy Spirit)

     It crushed me that that was my heart's image; that I know so little of Jesus's heart for ME that this is the best I could come up with is embarrassing (although I secretly hope the Lord thinks it's kinda funny).  He has got to be absolutely chomping at the bit!  "Father!  Can I go now?!  Is it time?  I can go now, right?  I'm ready!  Look!  So-&-so just said yes to You.  It's TIME.  They are waiting for us.  I can't wait any longer, Father.  I NEED to see our kids."  While I'm not implying that Jesus is acting like an impatient toddler (like I am!) I am beginning to see that as a parent, Jesus CAN NOT wait to get His hands on us!! But...it His absolute love for His Father that keeps Him sane....and probably avoids ulcers.  Holy Spirit, help me imitate Jesus's love for our Father while I wait to hold my son in my arms!  

     I came across this Christina Perri song recently and I'm absolutely in love with it...I can hear Jesus humming it too: "I have died everyday waiting for you. Darling don't be afraid, I have loved you for a thousand years and I'll love you for a thousand more..." I play it exactly thirty-seven times a day and I desperately pray it gets stuck in your head! 

    

      P.S.....don't stop asking me 'howya doing?"! 

Growing!!

     I received an unexpected update on Little One yesterday!  And I'm pretty sure the planet actually stopped spinning in the nanoseconds between seeing the blinking light on my phone to jumping to slam my office door shut to attempting to explain to my office partner what the emergency was to getting the email open on, what seemed like at the time, the world's slowest computer E-V-E-R.  (I think I actually smacked the side of the screen & told it to HURRY UP SILLY.)  It was all totally worth it, because I got to see my boy!  All twenty pounds of his chubby cheeked 15 & 1/2month goodness.  It was like finally getting a big breath.  He's OK.  He's healthy and being taken care of and he has a tooth.  He's definitely OK.  THANK YOU Jesus.

     I am unclear as to if this update is in response to my allotted twenty questions I sent in last month, or if this is a standard update, either way I have current information and that relieves this Momma's heart. He will be 16months next week and he just passed the 20lb mark. That may sound small compared to typical child development, but on the adjusted Down syndrome growth chart he is above the 50th% for weight and above the 90th% for height...he's going to be tall like his cousins!  He is cruising around the furniture and walking with one-hand assist (that's huge!), so he may not need much therapy when he gets home.  He is not talking much (I like the strong silent type), but he follows commands and responds well to his foster mother. The report says that he consoles easily to hugs, which makes me happy; there is someone who is loving him and he is loving them back. He is also sleeping through the night (hallelujah!) and plays well with other kids...I'm really excited about both of those things.

   I also got photos!!  I can't share those publicly, but I can tell you that Little One is HAND-SOME!  His foster mother was kind enough to take these pictures in the same places as his original 9month photos, so I can easily see his growth.  (Thank you!).  It appears that someone got a little excited with the buzz cut, but he sits up like a little man and makes direct eye contact, which is impressive.  You could nearly drown in those big almond eyes.  In one picture, he is so engaged with the camera you can't help but wonder what his little mind was doing right then & there.  Oh!  And he has pudge around the knuckles of his right hand!  SOOO cute.

    I'm not sure if having this updated information will make it harder or easier in this time of waiting.  And I wonder if he has ANY idea what will be happening in the next few months.  I pray that the Holy Spirit is already preparing his body to stay healthy, his mind to easily transition into a new language & culture, and his little emotions as he comes home to this blue-eyed family. And...for the smooching.  There is going to be A LOT of smooching from A LOT of people!

March Update (a little late)

     March had a couple of big mileposts on this journey. I feel a little like we are moving forward at a snail's pace, but that is only in comparison to how incredibly fast things were moving up til now. Forward (& West) momentum is the goal and forward is where we are moving.

     On March 19th I received notice of my LID...logged in date...of 2/27/12. In adoption-speak, this is BIG. This notates that China officially received & accepted my dossier and is working to review & translate the appropriate documents.  Whooohooooo!  There is conflicting information on how long this portion will take, but I am daily praying for favor and protection over that process so we can receive the LOA...letter of approval in God's perfect timing.

     I also received permission to get some updated information about Little One. Oh what a blessing that is!  The only information or photos I have is from his 9month check-up & he is now nearly 16months, so it's been a challenge to try to guess his looks & personality from the little pieces of information that I do have.  Two of my friends have children the same age as Little One.  I often find myself staring that their kiddos crossed-eyed (like those hidden picture posters!) hoping to see a skinny-legged Asian boy with big almond eyes that is mine.  Sometimes I think I can see him, but mostly, I become acutely aware of those around me wondering if I'm in the middle of a seizure!  I was allotted just 20 questions and an updated photo, so I had to get creative on how to get as much information as possible with as few physical questions as possible.  The process seriously reminded me of a bad blind-dating game show...

   A whole host of friends blessed me with a couple of adoption showers this month too!  What a treat to be surrounded by families from so many different areas of my life that love Little One already. The generosity of so many wonderful people has been overwhelming.  One particularly precious gift was from my sister-in-law.  She hand-made a family story blanket--each panel representing a person or piece of Little One's story.  (See pictures below).  I can already imagine the night-time routine of counting out each square and remembering how God brought our family together...how special!!

Family story blanket.
Each panel representing a family member of piece of our family story.

Little One's First Home

Little One's Forever Home

   A warm THANK YOU to all that have helped with the fundraising that took place this month. I am still so overwhelmed with how God is providing. It really is amazing.  April has a few projects courtesy of Cassandra Hamilton Photography, and May (weather permitting) will finally be the adoption garage sale.  There are now two garages FILLED TO THE CEILING with boxes & items for the sale.  What an event THAT weekend will be!