He Dug The Perfect Hole

Our first trip to our local beach this summer--as is our habit, to escape the 90 degree heat.  Isaac had it in his mind apparently to dig THE. MOST. PERFECT. hole in the sand....which he did.  A perfect Isaac sized hole in the sand. 😎

Like any good beach experience, the whole day was a sensory event. There was sand, kelp, clams, and mud E-V-E-R-Y-W-H-E-R-E. You don't even want to know what the bathtub looked like when we got home. 

But this is exactly what summers and little boys are made for: Sand everywhere. Perfect beach holes. Seawater smoothies and Coppertone tan lines. Not only do I want to fill his memory tank of these experiences, I want to fill mine. When the days come questioning 'where has the time gone?!" I'll know exactly how we spent each moment:

Happy Father's Day--He Must Look Like You

Getting to share a bit over at Village21:

It's Father's Day in America, which means it's kind of your day. We don't talk about you nearly as much as birth momma. And I admit, I probably don't think about you as much either. Somehow her loss seems greater--she grew our child; she felt him kick and move when you couldn't; she felt him leave her being; and then nursed him with the very body that had quite literally invented him. I know he was your child too, but her loss just seems bigger. 

I want desperately to believe that you were madly in love with our child's mother, that you wooed her, fought for her heart, promised to protect it, married her and committed yourself for eternity...whatever that looks like in your culture. The fantasy I hold onto is that while our child could have been unplanned, he was created in love. YOU created him in love; with purpose and a hope for the future. I want to believe that when our tiny little boy was born with that single crease in his palm and his double almond eyes, you swallowed your gasp and looked deep into your love's eyes "It'll be alright. We'll figure something out. He is our son."  That you were the rock in the family.  

After six months, was it you that finally said "there IS a way, but he can't be with us"? Did you take him from his momma's arms, wrap him tightly and take him to that place? Did you wait to see that he was safe? Were you there somewhere watching? Protecting & hoping with a father's presence? Did your heart shatter into a thousand pieces as you held your wife and her painful aching breasts on that first long night without our boy? I cannot tell you how much I want to believe all these things about you. I pray that they are all true. 

I attribute all our son's goofy quirks to you. It's funny to say that, but I do. Surely, you are the one who can raise just one eye brow at a time! And his toenails...goodness, that MUST have come from your side of the family! My heart tells me our son got his melted chocolate eyes from his first mother, but his soft dark hair with it's competing cowlicks from you. (Does your barber have a trick for those things? Please share!)  Are you an engineer? Do you like math? You should see our boy diligently solve problems--it's amazing!  It impresses everyone. He is going to be way smarter than me!  He also has a wickedly accurate throwing arm; baseballs, footballs, bowling balls, you name it--it gets where it needs to go.   He is also gentle with a kind heart. He melts when others are hurt and runs to comfort them. Some of that must have came from you too.

So, no, we don't talk of you often, but clearly you are a deep part of our lives. He will grow into a man one day and the whiskers that come to his face will be yours.  My heart will think of you then.   

Whoever you are, however you came to be our son's first father, know that he is safe, thriving, and happy. Know that on this Father's Day, wherever you are we are thinking of you.

Last Day Of The First Year of School

He did it. WE did it. We made it through our first year of school...boy was it a roller coaster. We were blessed with an amazing general education teacher and incredible para-educator who went out of their way to make sure Isaac was as successful as possible in a typical kindergarten settings. Inclusion was a new experience for the school and it certainly pushed the boundaries for everyone. The lows were particularly low (lots of tears, mostly from me) but the highs...mountain top experiences!  When he would come home having written a sight word FIFTEEN times by himself or counted to 56 while cleaning up the ball pit, or complete a math worksheet with minimal assist, I would nearly burst with pride!  Just this week, he brought me a book and read the title by himself. He CAN do it!!  All the hard work; all the research & preparation after bedtime; all the speed bumps and frustration and meetings and advocacy---ALL. WORTH. IT.

(This is what the beauty of inclusion looks like: my chromosomally enhanced child with his single palmar crease working right along side his typical classmate on a project at the zoo.  <3 )

I've already been praying for the team of teachers that will be with us next year. If they are anything like these two ladies, we are going to do just fine!

Throwing deuces with his sweet teacher & awesome para. 

I see SO MUCH change between these photos....more than just standing vs. sitting. On the left is a little boy in size 4T pants that are now summer shorts and shoes that were worn through the soles and toes that grew to push through the ends; a boy who knew his basic colors & shapes and capital letters but that is about it; a boy that needed his momma every morning for school drop off. On the right are 5T pants that will most likely be capris themselves before the end of the summer, a boy that loves monsters and has learned to tell jokes; a boy that lead the class in letters, numbers, shapes, colors and art projects; a boy that was named most compassionate and well mannered ("I've never seen a kindergartner use please and thank you so much and so well before" said one of his teachers); a boy that blasted through nearly all of his IEP goals and self delegated himself as staff member at his school; a boy who just this morning said "momma, go away" at school drop off.  The child in those two pictures are two different people so I'd say it was a successful year!

Room 4 had a classroom appreciation party today where Isaac was voted the Technology Whiz--haha! Yes, let's put that phone addiction to good use. *wink*  The school had a massive field day where he nearly won Frisbee golf (say what?!) and apparently he attempted a pogo stick. They tie dyed tshirts and signed each others backs. Although I didn't get to see it, I understand my child pulled a full on John Hancock and signed his name the LARGEST on every t-shirt. There is no way his classmates are going to forget my little boy!

Both Momma & Gramma were there to pick him up after school today, holding balloons and ready for love. We gave hugs to teachers and waved goodbye to friends then celebrated with ice cream.  He did the hard things this year and I am so very proud of him.

This summer we'll continue to work on sight words and math problems and thinking about how to solve problems. We'll also play hard--at the park, at the beach, on the waterfront, in the woods. I've got some projects stuck up my sleeves, but also lots and lots of free time. He'll spend time with our friends at Kollege again 2 or 3 days a week while I work,  and we'll fly to visit friends in Nashville and Cincinnati.  It'll be a GOOD first summer between grades.