52 Weeks of Family: Week 40

Mila:

This was a big trauma-versary week. I year ago I left you behind in Albania not knowing when your we would be back to get you. I've been praying over this week for a while and watching you closely to see how your heart would respond. You'v needed to be close to me all week not even allowing me to take the garbage out without your supervision, but otherwise you've seemed settled. (Maybe it was more of a trauma-versary for me?!) I am so very thankful for the Peace that made the world lives in our home too <3

You and I are finding our groove in several areas. In the times when I need to "proactively parent" you *wink*, you aren't melting down or shutting down. In fact, this week I was so proud of you when you took the time to weigh out the consequence to a decision and reverse course and start over. I literally pumped my fist in the air--you did it!!  Yes, it feels like something that a two year would do, but it is a major character milestone in our relationship together. I am so proud of you!

Watering Gramma's flowers

You and I are also finding things that we can laugh at together; the language and the relationship have come far enough along that we can have our own inside jokes. I know it was hard for you in your first months home to see your brother & I joking with each other and having fun. It was a difficult realization for me too that nothing was going to fix that except time, but I think after 9 months home we are crossing that line. Your current favorite thing to do is to declare something "po'loco" (poco loco) and I am desperate to get a message back to one of your favorite Sisters who is from Spain to tell her.  What's even better is when you use your token Spanish phrase with an Albanian word to describe something in English...to your Chinese brother.   "Oh Isaaci!  Look!  Po'loco floka"  (her hair is crazy!) 

You are clipping along revisiting your developmental milestones, thankfully faster than a biological pace. I was worried that if it took you 14 years to revisit all that you missed without a family that it you will be nearly 30 before we start with any forward movement *yikes*, but you seem to be picking the important ones and checking them off the list pretty quick. Right now Baby Bear is a very important part of your life. You've named him (that's huge) and you carry him around the house, snuggle him and play with him during quiet time.  You are also fascinated by anticipatory songs & games like Pop Goes the Weasel and Five Little Monkeys.  You watch my face so closely waiting for the BIG moment and then giggle wildly when the monkey falls of the bed or the spider makes it up the spout!  It makes my heart happy to know that I get to revisit these important moments with you. 

Isaac:

Someone taught you how to stick out your tongue...and not in the cute way. Errggg.  And somehow your off switch is stuck in the ON position = LOUD ALL THE TIME. Loud with your body, loud with your mouth, loud when you sleep, loud when you eat, just bundle of talking, moving energy. Good heavens child.  I'm taking you on walks and runs and swims and hops and whatever else I can think of to help find the OFF switch again but I suspect this is part of a significant growth spurt.  Suddenly, I just can't lift & carry you like I used to and all of your clothes "shrunk in the wash" seemingly over night. Sometimes I watch you when you are sleeping with your long legs taking up (my!) entire bed and I cannot help but wonder what your first family looked like. Your birth daddy must have been tall and strong..."Wike Maui!" as you like to say. *wink*

Me:

I think I really was worried about how Mila would respond to this week's anniversary. I still cringe thinking about the day we dropped her back off at the institution and drove away without her. We made it a celebration with cake & dancing and spun it as this amazing send-off so momma could get her room ready for her to come home to, but the reality was there were so many unknowns spinning out of control I didn't even know if this adoption would even be approved...which meant I wouldn't return and she would never have a family. The burden of that knowledge...that yoke, did NOT feel easy. Then I think of all the people who attempt to walk this journey of adoption and redemption WITHOUT the Lord---holy hannah, THAT WOULD BE HARD. There is no hope in the hard without Jesus. None. Despite all the crazy unknowns we've traversed thus far (and I'm sure more to come), I am ecstatic I haven't had to do it without God's promised gift of Peace and Rest...and Joy. 

 

52 Weeks of Family: Week 39

Mila:

Due to a scheduling glitch one day last week I needed to send you to day camp by yourself--no Isaac, no Miss A, no Mommy, no Gramma...just Mila.  We talked about it for days. I called the camp director. I sent a letter to your camp counselors. I made arrangements to drop you off late and pick you up early...YOU LOVED IT.  You had one question only "Mommy come back?"  YES, Mommy ALWAYS comes back--then you were fine.  You had such a good time I decided to let you do it again this week just one day and you literally skipped and squealed on the way in! In all the ways that I have to force myself to remember that you aren't really 14 years old, I do have to take the time to remember that some times you are and having some independence, especially socially is probably a really good thing for you. I hope you look forward to your 'free day' this week too <3 

That little emotional/attitude breakthrough we had last week has continued and we've been working hard on being respectful. I think it's normal adolescent stuff, but the language barrier still makes things difficult for me to clearly decipher what you understand and what is still a foreign concept. We had a good talk on your bed this week--back & forth conversation! (a first!)--after I needed to tell you no. I hope you are absorbing that a No is not a denial of love or affection, that is indeed the growth of a healthy relationship.  You did a few little things this week that help me see that you are starting to accept this--you asked for a picture of just you and I, then you leaned in:

You also trusted me to walk you through a wooded path (that I honestly didn't know we were going to have to walk through--sorry honey!) to get to a beach, then you asked me to walk you through uneven ground to the water (I can't overstate what a big deal this is! Previously, you have REFUSED to walk on ground you don't trust--I've literally had to carry you). 

You also interacted with our dinner prayer. This may seem small but for 39 weeks now we've taken hands as a family at dinner and I've asked you if you want to pray, which you quickly refuse. This week you've initiated taking my hands and then reminded me mid prayer to pray for your camp counselors "mom!  Miss 'Manda! Miss Zoe!"  Oh gosh, yes.  Dear Jesus, please bless Miss 'Manda and Miss Zoe at camp.  *insert a big smile of approval from you*

Isaac:

As much as you love day camp, you've been a bit overwhelmed by the constant activity and I think the stimulation of some of the other  & older day campers.  So we changed up your schedule to go to camp just a couple days a week and that is working much better for you. In fact, one of the days this week was Bike Day with specialized adaptive bikes provided---it was the first time you've been able to ride a bike and it made me cry!  Little boys should ride bikes and it's an experience that I just haven't been able to find the right resource for you to have independently.  But we are on a mission now!  (Also, if anyone has any connections to adaptive bikes, please send them my way! Adaptive bikes are about $1500 each. yikes!)

We took a little walk around the city this week and you had your camera-ready face with you!

Me:

We are finding our summer groove with a summer nanny, day camp, a new job and the instant pot. The job is offering a lot more flexibility which allows me to get home earlier and enjoy more of the day with my goofballs. We've been to the beach this week, had picnics in the park, walked the city and played a lot in the backyard pool. We all have tans now and the neighbors don't seem to mind the barrage of Disney show-tunes that waft from the family room window. I would even describe our days as 'really good' recently. No major meltdowns or sickness or issues that we can't at least waddle through together--just lots of normal family stuff: "Isaac stop telling Mila to relax.  Mila, relaxing might actually be a good idea. Mila, please use gentle words. Isaac, don't stick your tongue out. Isaac, if you walk slow in front of your sister she is going to bump into you, you can't get mad at that. Mila running to get in the car before your brother so you can lock your side of the van so he won't get in and try to take ONE of your FOUR cup holders *eyeroll*...is nicely done; next time, make sure your sandals are strapped you'll be even faster."  You know...that kinda of stuff.  

52 Weeks of Family: Week 38

It's been a big week of transition: the kids started day camp with their summer nanny Miss A and I started my new job!

Mila:

I thought maybe being at a camp with 60 other students with special needs would be an institutional trigger for you, but you jumped right in and have done great!  You gravitate to your counselors "mine new friends, mom!" and hover at the edge of the group activities but you are engaging excited to go every day. In fact, at the end of the week you got to go to camp by yourself---no Isaac, no Miss A. I rushed from work to pick you up and you barely acknowledged my existence "oh hey mom".  Um...hi? Ready to go home? I hope that means that you feel safe and secure in this new environment. Annnnnndddd, as much as I know you won't admit it, you like having your brother at camp with you. You have lunch together every day and hang with each other and Miss A during free time. 

We took a little field trip together to Pike Place Market--your first visit and your eyes nearly came out of your head when you saw all the flowers!  We bought you a huge bouquet and they are now blooming beautifully in your room <3 (Does anyone know if a kids gardening club or the like?? I want to jump on this gardening bug she has!)

I feel like we had another little breakthrough in the attachment department. Up till now, your response to any redirection or gentle parenting has been shame. You shut down hard and often hide from me in your room. We've made progress in how long it takes you to recover (the first time it was close to two hours!), but my heart breaks to see you run & hide in shame. You aren't perfect, honey. It's my job to guide and correct you into safety & maturity; Jesus does the same thing to us.  But yesterday after being quietly corrected you ran into your room and my heart sank thinking 'how long this time?'...then just moments later you came running back. "Mommy??"  Yes, Mila. I'm here for you.  "Te dua forte, Mommy (I love you)"  There you go!  A crack in the ice---we did it! Shame is such an ugly burden to bear, honey. Adam & Eve picked up that yoke after sinning and we've all have carried along since. I need you know, daughter: I may get tired, I may get frustrated but I am determined to show you you can't outrun the love God gave me for you...or the Love He IS for you. 

Isaac:
You are doing a great job at day camp.  In fact on Day 1 you were given a Science award (you knew that red +blue = purple all on your own!)

By the end of the week, you were feeling a bit overwhelmed by the continuous activity and movement at camp (they make sure you sleep HARD when you get home!) so I think we'll switch some things up next week, but I am proud of of how well you navigated so much change in a week. That has been a struggle in the past, so I am proud of your growth. 

Meet and greet at church can be a little overwhelming at times with loads of people getting in your face all at once and you & I have been working on looking people in the eyes while shaking hands (with a strong grip!) and introducing yourself.  It's taken a while to get the first two steps coordinated and this weekend you initiated the third all on your own! I was chatting with someone when I heard  next to me  "Isaac!  I Isaac!" while shaking the noodles of the gentleman's hand behind us...while looking directly in his face. Yippee! You've got it buddy!

Me:

We made it through the first big week of change!  I hit the ground running in my new job as I'm heading up two new clinic projects in our county, one of which is a new foster & adoption clinic WHOOT! I'm thrilled to be able to be on the ground floor of this exciting adventure--and to serve families on the front lines is even better. 

  

And to top the week off, my goal was to make a new instant pot recipe every evening to get some practice for the fall. One spectacular failure which resulted in popcorn for dinner and several wins added to the monthly rotation = I'm happy. 

The progression of family selfie pictures:

52 Weeks of Family: Week 37

Mila:
You celebrated your first Independence Day as an American!  I knew telling you it was America's Birthday would get your attention...you asked for cake all day long. *wink*  But settled for grilled brats, home cooked baked beans, and raspberry from your little garden. I don't think you could look any more American than this...

You are doing an amazing job with your little garden. The raspberries are in full bloom as is the rhubarb. You were simply flabbergasted to see me pluck the rhubarb from the dirt, wash it then cook it into a cake. The magic was simply too much for your brain to take in!  There is a tomato ready to ripen and I think you will be particularly proud to eat that.  I'm so glad this garden has been such a healing place for you. And it's been a good place that you and I can have some time together. 

One of the things we are working on is helping you graduate from quickly having all your needs and wants met to accepting a 'no, not right now' with some grace. I'll admit it's a tough transition but there is no easy way around it. To encourage your attachment and language I've 'rewarded' positive behaviors and communication but we are at a place now where I need you to feel the next level of safety and trust and attachment from within the loving boundaries of No. You are, of course, not a fan, but we'll get there. You have been shunning me at first, but are quickly coming to me with your disappointment. THIS IS SO GOOD. If I can teach you to run to me with your hurt, pain, shame and disappointment, you will do the same with Jesus and that is the ultimate goal. 

Isaac:

You have been doing a remarkable job lately of sharing with your sister, without being asked. You've witnessed Mila's voracious appetite and frequently will offer extras off your plate to her, or sneak her snacks in the back of the car. I could not figure out how you had eaten nearly an entire package of green grapes on the way home from the store...until I heard your sister smacking her lips; you were passing her 1, 2, 3 at a time. She didn't say thank you, but did you notice that she happily let you pick the next song in the car?  That's how she does it, buddy; she shows her love and appreciation in her own way. 

We've been alternating between watching American Ninja Warrior and So You Think You Can Dance in our 20min pre-bedtime routine. You absolutely LOVE SYTYCD. L-O-V-E.  Sitting together watching has been a perfect opportunity to talk about different dance style and different feelings...it's ok to be sad and happy and mad and loving and that it is all good; that there are good ways to show all those things.  You have been particularly excited about Contemporary dance, clearing the floor to jump and spin and contort in ways only your extra chromosome will let you. I'm desperate to get video of this. Until then, I'm eagerly looking for a dance class that can meet our needs..and little tykes basketball. Dude, you've got game!

One of my summer goals for you is to cook dinner at least once per week. It is good 1:1 time for the two of us and you love all the sensory input...especially making meteor meatballs this week!  Nothing like sticking your hands in a bowl full of zucchini, egg and ground chicken!!  (No after picture because we ATE THEM ALL. Delicious!)

Me:

I love the 4th of July!  God Bless America Day is real thing. I decorate and hijack the radio for Lee Greenwood's God Bless the USA on repeat. But fireworks after bedtime is a real bummer for kids that crash at 7pm. In fact, Isaac has yet to see a 4th of July fireworks event.  But after tucking them both in and then the neighborhood exploding into a full ballistic zone, but were all awake at 10pm...so I took us outside to enjoy the show. They LOVED it! And I couldn't help but think 'this is what they are going to remember. That time that Mom arranged for a full fireworks show in the backyard and just happened to have sparklers (four years old in the back of the garage) and juice boxes and soft cozy blankets to watch the show'...and then it became a special memory for me too. Between all the appointments and intentional parenting and therapies and books to read and attempting work/life/mommy balance, moments like this is what gets filed away in everyone's memory banks. <3 

52 Weeks of Family: Week 36 = Summer Road Trip

Some 25 years ago I watched a box office flop called Pontiac Moon with Ted Danson & Mary Steenburgen. It barely made $11,000 in the US but I remember loving it. The abbreviated plot included a dad & son driving to the Craters of the Moon National Park in Idaho and arriving just as the first lunar module landed on the Moon in 1969 (the distance to the moon and the odometer on the car matched as they both arrived--it was a whole thing) I had never heard of this National Park but it has been on my bucket list ever since.  Moving to the Pacific Northwest two years after seeing this movie made an actual visit a bit more practical, it's just taken me 23 years to get around to getting there. Somehow being a single mom to two essentially non verbal children with Down syndrome with a new van seemed like a good time to cross this bucket list item off.    

So, our mission was this: drive the 745 miles to SE Idaho to visit a National Park I heard about once in a crummy movie in high school and back again over the course of a week; don't kill each other; don't leave anyone at a rest stop (intentional or otherwise); see as many sites as possible along the way (my goal), and swim every evening (the kids' goal).  And outside of the epic puke fest entering into Hells Canyon and the accidental hotel microwave fire, we had a GREAT time. Truly. 

DAY 1:

Here we go!  I've spent months planning and researching and plotting and organizing. The van is fueled up, the kids are well stocked with activities and I have everything we may need in a pinch within quick reach. 

First stop = Columbia River Gorge, Oregon. Multnomah Falls was our destination, but it seemed everyone else had the same idea...

We ended up at Horsetail Falls and had a great time. Perfect spot for a lunch break.

I got good at (safely) taking pictures while driving!

Quick break outside Pendleton, Oregon. BEAUTIFUL plateau.

DAY 2:
We are on the road early in the morning. The kids continue to do great in the car. Having a visual schedule on the roof above me has been really helpful!

Lunch on the Boise River.

Rest stop at Goodale's Cutoff. A large portion of this part of the trip has been along the Oregon Trial.

DAY 3:
We made it!  There is no way to adequately describe how strangely beautiful this place is and the pictures don't do it justice. I had set my expectations pretty low but I was wildly impressed with the history, the art of the geology, even the accessibility. I could have spent the entire day here if the kids would have let me...probably would have come back for the star viewing at night too!  I left with a full heart. I saw something I've always wanted to see and it was pretty darn cool.

At the end of the day, the kids were sworn in as Jr Rangers!

DAY 4:
Today is a LONG day and I didn't realize how long it would be when I planned out the route. After seven hours already in the car and one epic backseat puke-fest, when we stopped for gas and the nice lady said we still had 3 more hours to do I nearly cried. It was too long, truly.  BUT, we got to see this:

 Shoshone Falls, you have our hearts!!

Hells Canyon was stunning!

DAY 5:
We are back in our home state and are making our way across some of God's most beautiful country...

Pit stop at Palouse Falls. Incredible!

The last hour of the trip was stuck in Friday night Tacoma traffic and we got a little rummy. I rolled the windows down, turned the music UP and we sung our way as loud as we could through the final 18 miles HOME.

The final numbers... Five days, 104 trip hours, 30hours 13min of which was traveling in the van. A grand total of 1,625.7 miles traveled. Whew!

Mila:

I'm so proud of you, honey. This trip was A LOT to take in. There were a couple of times when I missed judged the sensory input of a particular stop (waterfalls are big and scary!) or how quickly we needed to move through a parking lot. I know those times are hard for you BUT YOU DID IT.  On day 3 it occurred to me that I should probably tell you that we get to go home after all this. You said "HOME? Mila's house? In America?!  YEAH!!"  Well, yes. We didn't actually leave...doesn't matter, yes. Mila's house in America, on Friday.  Just having the reassurance that you hadn't been taken from all that you now know was enough for you.   Your biggest gains were in the swimming pool!  You had never been swimming prior to our outing last July in Albania.  You LOVED it then and even more so when we vacationed in San Diego over spring break. The problem was you are a 100lb anchor...straight to the bottom.  Enter the life vest...what a beautiful gift of independence and confidence!  You went from MOMMY!!! NO!!! when I tried to have you float with my assistance to blowing bubbles and paddling into the "deep end" (5 feet) and attempting the crawl stroke. The joyous screeches that came out of your face every evening when you got to swim!   MOM!!  Mila fish!  Mila ARIEL!!    There was really no way for me to get a photo of it all, but here is proof of you 'swimming' (in three feet of water *wink*)

Also...after belching like a lumberjack in the middle of a restaurant you were given a round of high fives by the Harley Davidson bikers sitting near us.  Thank you daughter. That was a special memory for everyone. *eyeroll*

Isaac:

You are a traveling rock star!  Your side of the van was an absolute disaster zone, but you powered through 30 hours of van time with very little issues and lots of stickers, coloring pages, and dollar store games.  You did, however pull the most little brother prank ever on your sister...I asked everyone to clean up their things in the hotel room and put them in their backpacks. I did not think to check said backpacks, I only saw that everything was picked up. As we were headed out the hotel room door I asked your sister where her glasses were and you started snickering...you had hid her glasses AND EVERYTHING THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE IN HER BACKPACK in the little hotel freezer!  If I hadn't had noticed Mila was without her glasses, we would have driven to Boise before I realized her backpack was empty.  Well played son.  Very well played. 

Me:

We did it!  I took two kids 1600 miles through mountains, deserts, waterfalls and lava zones. Everyone had milk, protein and fruit/vegis with every meal and the token treat of Oreos lasted the entire trip. Dirty laundry was kept separate (pop up mesh laundry basket in the back of the van = pinterest genius!), and no one was permanently physically or emotionally injured. In fact, we had a really good time. This will be a trip that we all remember with fondness. AND I got to cross off a major bucket list item. I hope this is the first of many SUCCESSFUL family trips.

P.S.  I re-watched Pontiac Moon this weekend. The first time since 1994.  Turns out they never went to Craters of the Moon National Park. They shot the movie in the Sonoma Desert and drove to a fictional Spires of the Moon which looks NOTHING like the park we just visited. They also drove an amphibious car through a lake in the park (which doesn't exist) in Southern Idaho over the US border to Canada...which is impossible, because of the whole Northern Idaho situation.  The whole box office bust scenario is making sense now...   STILL GLAD WE WENT.