52 Weeks of Family: Week 14

Mila:

You are fighting your first illness since being home, poor thing. You sneezed so hard at school that you blew the hair of your teacher across her face. That's some power!  You'll be better soon, I promise (also, remind me to buy some Purell Shampoo for your teacher). 

You've started struggling to find the right word both in English and Albanian...this is right on schedule. Studies show that native language starts to fade permanently after 3 months of secondary language immersion. I have mixed emotions about this. I'm excited that English is becoming easier for you and you'll soon be able to express what is in your head & heart. But I mourn the loss of your first language--the language that the nurses at the Abandoned Babies Unit cooed over you with and the language the Sisters shared Jesus with you, the language that you shared jokes with your BFFs at the institution.  I'll do my best to keep Albanian apart of your life, even if it just Albanian worship on YouTube. 

I've been praying with you at night as I tuck you into bed. You seem to look forward to this and I've already seen some softening of your heart as we pray through some issues. As we muddle through trauma healing and language learning and cultural transition and adoption attachment it's my job as your momma to delicately weave in character building as well.  One step at a time is how we are climbing this mountain.

FROZEN...have I mentioned how much you love this movie?!  Perhaps it's the 37 times per day that you quote "Let it go" that keeps it fresh in my mind *wink*.  Our Annie found you an Elsa dress for your birthday (difficult to find in your size!)...and this happened (best 4 minutes ever!):

Isaac:

You've done a really good job this week serving your sister--bringing her her plate or coat or water bottle without being asked. She will learn to say thank you freely soon, but I am so proud of your heart that willingly serves.  Pounding on the bathroom door and scaring the liver out of her while she is in the shower is probably something she wishes you would stop, but I have to give you points for how fast you run away and act like nothing happened. Slick move, little brother. 

Seems there was an assembly at school this week featuring the Reptile Man. Your daily report said "did NOT want to touch the Alligator!" haha!  Apparently, everyone stood in line and had a chance to pet the 4 foot reptile, however you decided dropping to the floor and refusing to move until the Alligator went away was a better strategy. This feels like a really wise choice. Good job buddy! And we haven't talked about Alligator-Stranger-Danger once. *wink*

Me:

Two sick kiddos and a mother with an emergency, but thankfully short hospitalization made for an interesting week while working.  I'm getting over a cold now too and maybe wasn't as gracious with needy kiddos as I could have been in my dayquill'd state. I hope I can teach both of them the value & power of an immediately apology. Even mommies get tired and cranky...and even mommies can choose to stop, apologize and ask for a hug of forgiveness then start all over again with a happy heart. Sometimes all three of us are being parented at the same time. <3 

52 Weeks of Family: Week 13

Mila:

Happy birthday, Sweet Girl! You loved having everyone love on you. You spent three days listing off all 'your' people and I was thrilled to hear you list off Isaac & I as well as Gramma, Annie and three of your cousins in addition to your Albanian family.  Your heart is growing. <3 

These are the things I've learned about your recently:

• You're not a fan of food you cannot see. Burritos and snap peas specifically. If I open the burrito up so you can see what's inside, no problem. Or if I pop out the peas from the pod, great. But you are pretty suspicious of hidden food (which I guess makes sense)
• You LOVE to sing in the shower.  It generally takes you 20-25 minutes to shower in the morning so you have plenty of time to belt out Let It Go several times *wink*
• Quiet time is a gift to you. I've been so focused on pushing family time for attachment's sake that I missed your need to check out and be alone. Puzzles or music in your room alone is good for your heart (and sometimes all of our attitudes) and you always come out refreshed.
• You jump at the chance to complete tasks--especially if you think your little brother can't or shouldn't do them. Putting away piles of laundry for mom? Sure!  Bringing groceries in from the car? Two gallons of milk at a time? Sure! Setting the table? Not a problem.  These are all typical kid-help tasks in a family, but I have purposely shield you from them. In some cultures, older child adoption is akin to purchasing a child servant/slave. I didn't want you to ever-ever think that you were wanted in our family for anything other than you.

You had a couple of pretty good days engaging your brother with kindness this week. What a blessing to my heart. I'll take all the moments and let them pile up. One of these days it won't be so much work for you two.  

Look Mom, she is hugging me back!

Isaac:

Sharing your sister's special day was hard for you, wasn't it? I thought I had prepared you for all that was going to happen NOT for you--the presents, cake, candles and singing that did not have your name attached to them, but it was still hard.  I know you love the stuffing out of your new big sister, and you are doing a phenomenal job of giving up your place as an only child. 

I had a great meeting with your team at school this week! You are doing so well in school and continue to show great growth in every area.  I love to hear the stories from your team of how you care for your friends, your natural leadership, your creative mind, your academic skills and even your sense of humor.  When I casually asked how you were doing with your super ears, everyone was pleased to announce you were keeping them in all day..."Except..." said your 1st Grade teacher, "when he is tired of participating in class, he leaves his seat, walks up to me and turns off the FM (microphone which goes directly to his hearing aids) hanging from my neck then returns to his chair to relax."  HAHAHA  Way to critically think through that problem, buddy!

You thought this Big Foot statue was SO funny!

Me:

Officially back to work. No major hiccups. The structure of the day was actually kind of nice. Although, there is a panicked prayer at the end of every day that nothing abnormal will keep me late in clinic, even by the slightest margin. When one kiddo has pretty significant separation anxiety and the other is still learning to trust, "mommy always comes back" has to be an absolute truth not just a promise.

Happy 14th Birthday, Mila!!

One year ago your closest people gathered and celebrated your 13th birthday the best way we knew how; full of hope and excitement for what the future held for our newest member.

Fast forward a couple of crazy months on the other side of the earth and just like that you are FOURTEEN.

An early celebration at school with a surprise visit by your cousin and BFF, Elli. SO EXCITING!

Thank you friends for celebrating your newest classmate. 

A fun wake up!!

I am so thankful for technology: An early video call with our Sassy Polish Sister Friend, followed by a video call by your BFFs in Shkodra, followed by a skype call from your Annie.  An hour an a half of birthday calls!  You are a popular girl!!

Your first letter in the mail!  Great Aunt Nancy never misses a birthday or anniversary. You are a part of the family now!

Lunch with some cousins for as-traditional-as-we-can-get Albanian souflaki.  DELICIOUS!

Presents and cake time!

Unlike with Isaac, we have names, dates and first person accounts of your actual birth. Sadly, your arrival was not celebrated, but the Lord ensured your safety by placing you in the loving hands of dedicated nurses, compassionate Sisters and devoted nannies. They ALL loved Jesus. And when a lie was spoken that your life wasn't worthy, all these beautiful people spoke life and love into your heart. I promise you, Sweet Girl, you will be celebrated!  We will redeem this day and walk boldly in the hope & future that our Heavenly Father has for you in our family. You. Are. Loved. Happy Birthday, Mila. <3 

52 Weeks of Family: Week 12

Mila:

You finished your first full week of school and you L-O-V-E it!  Love really isn't even a strong enough word. School is your sole motivation.  You will literally do ANYTHING if it has to do with school. Including...going in the kitchen!

Making your lunch, filling your water bottle, warming up your food in the microwave...doesn't matter. If it is school related, you are eager to do it! (And this momma ain't stupid...I am going to milk that motivation for all it's worth!  Helping with the dishes?  Um, yeah...that's for school. Knock yourself out. *wink* )

It's weird to think you've only been in school for 7 total days. You are so comfortable there. Your teachers have even commented they weren't prepared for how quickly you settled in, made friends and are navigating the school environment.  You even felt comfortable enough to test some boundaries at school and at home one day in the middle of this week. This is good!  You feel safe enough to stretch your emotional legs a bit to find the edge of the playing field, if you will. What's even better is you recovered quickly after each redirection (and that your teachers are on the same page).  I know it's hard some days honey, but soon you won't have to test if the love you've been given in a forever family is unconditional. You can't earn or un-earn it. It's freely given and it's going to stay. <3 

You've struggled with jealousy toward Isaac since our first trip to Albania last summer. It was hard to see him come home with me while you had to stay at the orphanage (that makes complete sense!) and during the weeks that you and I were home together while Isaac was at school, you struggled when he came home and split my attention.  Most days are fine, but some days have been hard in that regard and I've been praying that your heart would soften towards your little brother that adores you so very much. That seems to have started this week as you realized that you are BOTH at school during the day and not with me. What a joy to see you reach for him without prompting and even initiating play without me near. They are moments, but I treasure them as your love for him grows. 

New in your word arsenal:
Your welcome = your column
Your majesty (think FROZEN) = Emergency

The best though, is when I asked you if you had made your bed (in English), to which you responded "Go take a look!"   Um, ok...I will. 

Isaac:

We've had some dry and even sunny weather this week so you've been able to get outside and "run and run and run, Momma?"  Yes, buddy. Go run and run and run! Stretch those long legs!  Get ALL the wiggles out. (And sleep well tonight!).  

We've been going to private speech therapy in addition to school speech therapy for several years and you had seemed to hit a wall over the last few months. Feeling a bit exasperated, I cancelled our private therapist for a break while I sorted out next steps. Seems having an English learning big sister was the perfect motivation!  You are mimicking her new words and building your own verbal vocabulary, relying on ASL less & less.  After a sample at Costco this week you stared me right in the eyes and declared "that was GROSS!"  hahaha  (It was actually really gross).  And during a walk through the woods you took delight in pointing out different trees saying "LooK over der too; now dis one, Momma".  So awesome!

Me:

This was a planned buffer week--not yet back to work, but taking a week while both kids are in school to figure out the details of our new life.  And if all was well in the world I'd get a few minutes to myself. It took 2 & 1/2 days to get caught up on things and sort out details...but then...there was 2 & 1/2 days left!  I had lunch with a friend!  At a restaurant that didn't serve french fries or have a paper napkins!  I sat in my favorite chair, snuggled under a blanket, with a book for HOURS. We are still early on this adoption journey. This was a perfect opportunity to fill my tank as we look at the mileposts ahead of us.

Back to work this week...the freezer is stocked, the dishes & laundry are caught up and even all the bed sheets have been changed (why? I don't know why that felt important, but it got done). Back to the workforce (and a paycheck!).

52 Weeks of Family: Week 11

Mila:

New Years came and went without a peep.   We had a visit with our missionary friends from Albania who are home for the holidays. You absolutely shrieked with excitement to see familiar faces and to show off your room and your things. Our friends were shocked to see how much you already have changed and the blend of English & Albanian you use every day. They've known you nearly your entire life. It makes my heart happy to know that you will have a continued connection with them, even if just once a year. 

Your first (short) week of school was AWESOME!  You have seriously blown everyone out of the water. On day two you boldly declared "Mommy, no come back. Bye"  Even when I picked you up on Friday you wouldn't leave the classroom until I reassured you exactly when you got to come back. You've spent the last 8 years in a bustling institution full of residents, caregivers, volunteers and Sisters. I know being in the quiet of our family of three has been difficult. I am so glad that school is offering you the social input that you crave.  I pray that real and deep friendships are forged for you.

We've been working hard on your kitchen-phobia. Well, not you...I've been sneaking in play therapy and luring you into the kitchen by playing Let It Go while you weren't looking (bwaaaaaaaaa).  It's not evil, truly. I'm desperate to give you felt safety in this space. You are welcome here. There are no requirements of you. Someday you'll feel empowered enough to tell me when you are hungry and leave all the pantry doors open while you search for your craving.  You ARE enjoying pretend cooking your favorite Albanian foods with play-dough. That is a HUGE first step.  I didn't think it would work, but I piggy-backed on your school excitement by asking you to help make your lunch...that was AMAZING. You were so excited to choose between a banana & and orange, between yogurt & applesauce. You even held onto the cutting board while I made your sandwich!  WHAT?? You literally shook when placing your lunch bag inside the fridge, from fear or excitement I don't know, but you did it!!! 

Isaac:

You were so happy to go back to school this week. You love your friends and teachers and learning. Your teacher said "boy, he was an especially happy kid this week!" I love that both you and your sister love school and are thriving. You have a new friend at lunch; an older boy with Down syndrome. Rumor is you two have your own language and have a great time at lunch recess together. I love this! We work so hard to make sure that you are included in the typical world with typical friends, but I am sure it is relaxing to hang out with a buddy that 'gets it'; no extra work required. We'll have to see if he would like to come over and play one day. 

With all of Mila's firsts it's easy to gloss over the new things you are doing too.  You did something for the absolute first time this week---you asked to play with a toy you couldn't see. This may sound so very small, but it's been a missing piece of your play and imagination. I first had to teach you to play, then we worked through parallel play to interactive play to imaginative play. But even now your imaginative play is mimicry--doing (and fully enjoying!) what you have seen me do.  Or, responding to a choice of toys that I present to you.  BUT, this week you not only initiated wanting to play, you asked for your stacking cups that were no where to be seen nor had they been. It blew my mind!  That is such a HUGE developmental jump. I'm so proud of you, buddy. Keep growing!    (Also, if anyone needs a fantastic toy idea, mini red solo cups from the dollar store is the way to go!)

Me:

In attempting to anticipate what life would be like once Mila came home you emotionally prepared for the absolutely worse case scenario--all adoption trauma hell to break loose. You were prepared for all the nightmare scenarios that can happen with adoption, especially older child adoption. Praise the Lord, none of those have been the case!  I think the relative ease of the last 11 weeks has been the Lord's hand over your SUPER LOW expectations. The carrot in front of you should a trauma-apocalypse happen was tickets for your little family to see the Broadway production of The Lion King in Seattle. Remember, you literally thought "if we are going through hell, it'll be a nice break for me, who cares if one of them is screaming for 3 hours; if things are going well, it will be a good celebration".  Hallelujah, it was indeed a celebration!  A first time offering of a sensory-friendly production allowed us to stretch our emotional & sensory legs a bit and everyone had a GREAT time.  What an incredible opportunity to immerse your kiddos in the arts and let their right-brains go free.  Musical theater is definitely in Isaac's blood; looks like Mila is going to be a theater geek too!  She was whooping & hollering at the end like a die-hard fan girl!

Mila's First Day of School

Today was the big day...Mila's first day of school!  My girly was blessed to be able to attend one of only two special needs schools in the country of Albania. I understand she attended daily through the school year and had great exposure to life skills training and community engagement. This is something that many, most really, children with special needs in 2nd & 3rd world countries do not get access to. Because of that exposure, Mila has incredible confidence in navigating skills around the house and community--beyond that of many of her typical peers of the same age. Academics, however was not something she has had access to. Reading, writing, math, even basic colors, shapes and numbers are all things that have been brand new to her since gaining a family.  And boy oh boy is she soaking it up!!  Just this week she managed a spelling puzzle (with lower case English letters) and quickly created her first reading words: hat, cat, dog and not to be missed...cake!

Mila's team at school have been eager to plan and help make her transition as smooth as possible, fully understanding that the needs that entered the building today will certainly not be the same kiddo in 6 months--she is just learning too darn fast! We've met and discussed and planned and visited and resourced as much as we could all for today.  Three and half hours with her new classmates a world away from all she has ever known...

She was a bit nervous last night when I walked her through the next day's schedule: school without Mommy (seems I had failed to mention that detail in all our preparations!), but she woke this morning ready to go. Excited to have her school shirt on, a back pack and her own lunch. Isaac and I cautiously walked her into her classroom to which she boldly declared "Bye, Mommy. See you tomorrow!"  Oh, uh...bye honey. I love you. Have fun?

Per our plan, I returned three hours later to join her class for lunch and take her home for the day.  Nope.  She wasn't ready to leave!  Okkkkk. 

So left her with a kiss on her head and a promise to return in another three hours. "Ok Mommy. Bye".  Alrighy...

This was the face I picked up from her first day of school. Bright, happy and absolutely ECSTATIC that she got to sing Let It Go in music class.  "Mommy. School good!  Music. Let it go! Tomorrow. School!"

Her first school project absolutely CRACKS. ME. UP.  Her teachers are aware of her kitchen-phobia but when they offered her several visual cues about her favorite part of Christmas break (family, tree, presents, cooking, snow, etc) she very clearly pointed to the kitchen then proceeded to draw an oven & stove!  So either, she enjoyed NOT having to go in the kitchen or she is particularly fond of my cooking..I'm choosing to believe the later. 

It was a full day for my girl but she succeeded. First day of school at nearly 14 years old, in a different country, in a different language.  Wowzers.  She had some much needed quiet time. Picked out her outfit for tomorrow and fell asleep with a big smile on her face. "Mommy. School tomorrow?"  Yes, Mila. School tomorrow. <3  May you always be this excited about learning.