A More Special Night

In 2018, when I received a cold call from the Adventist Church asking if we'd like to participate in a Christmas program for kids with special needs, I was both nervous & excited.  I shouldn't have been nervous--to see my kids beaming together as a "beautiful angel" (Mila's specific description) and handsome drummer boy made my heart absolute burst.  I thought, there is no way we can top this and gave my sincerest thanks to our new friends at the Adventist church. 

Then, in 2019 when Mila got to be THE Mary and hold a real baby (NOT the real baby Jesus--we had that conversation, that is baby Kevin) and Isaac the Shepherd came over to check on them in the Stable, I thought, this is it; we've peaked.  I hugged & thanked our Adventist friends deeply--this simply cannot get any better!

I was surprised to get a call in 2020, that despite the Pandemic Shutdown, a Special Stars Christmas program would continue virtually and would Mila & Isaac like to join the virtual choir. Of course!  And it was perfect. We shared the video with everyone we knew <3.

We were already committed to the 2021 production, whatever that would look like, but was again surprised to get a call in August asking if Isaac & Mila would be willing to sit for a commissioned piece of art for the Christmas program.  When I said "tell me more", our now good friend & director of Children's Ministry for the Adventist Church said "I can't find any pictures of Jesus and children with disabilities, so we are going to make one!".   My heart absolutely leaped with joy!  (What I didn't know until tonight was how absolutely AWESOME this piece of art would be...)

Fast forward to December.  It is now time for "da Chris-chris show", but this time a grant has allowed the program to take place at the Performing Arts Center with 400 guests in the audience.  

My two angels decided to sing one of their favorite Psalty songs from Jeremiah 29:11...together...without any rehearsals...with live mics (I cornered the director and nearly begged to have Isaac's mic turned off. "You can't give him a live mic! He's a pentacostal--he'll go full Billy Graham on the whole crowd!")  

You've got to watch the full video!

The rest of the performance is a bit of a blur--I was beaming with pride, laughing with joy & hysterics...and a little bit of heart ache that this little piece of Heaven is denied to so many kids with special needs.  Isaac & Mila were up on stage 3 or 4 more times in the large angel choir and many of our Christmas Friends presented their beautiful selves to us and to Jesus. 

Angel Isaac was getting his HARK! on!  ;)

Our nonverbal Christmas Friends, signed the most beautiful Christmas hymns.  Some of our autistic Friends sang and waved to Jesus.  Our Friends confined to wheelchairs presented as Wisemen on specially designed camels and even the beautiful Mary was twirled in her wheelchair as she arrived to Bethlehem. One young man with Down syndrome offered his most special dance as an offering to the King.  To outsiders, they may have seen an intellectually delayed man simply swaying back & forth to Silent Night, but I know to Jesus's heart, that Friend's swaying was as precious as King David's dance before the Lord in 2 Samuel. 

This is the absolute beauty of the Christmas Stars program: there is a difference between being allowed in and being ushered in as honored guests. Matthew 19:14 says "let the children come to Me".  It was Jesus's command to his disciples to stop blocking the way to the Savior they sought. But it's more than just not preventing their journey to the Lord; it's not a passive command. (I nerded out and checked the Greek...aorist active imperative verb). It's an active command of "Move! Get out of the way and help them to me! Get organized, part the crowd, and usher the little ones straight to my side...it's their honest worship is that you should be learning from to enter into My presence (Matthew 18)."  My heart is so very blessed by the Christmas Stars team because they truly understand this: everyone else stand back, we are making a way for these precious kids to offer their birthday gift to Jesus...open mic and all. 

I thought the night couldn't get any better, but then the commissioned art was presented. OH.  MY.  GOSH.  Each of our Christmas Friends were immortalized in the most special panoramic of the Christmas Stars program, including the neurotypical helpers (the shinning angels) who usher each one of our kids in:

Have you ever seen anything more spectacular in your life?  A picture of Jesus and children with special needs...a picture of Jesus with MY children with special needs. <3 

The artist, a lovely man from Mexico, titled it A More Special Night. 

I couldn't agree with him more. 

Uggg, The COVID

Six Hundred Twenty Two Days.  My little family made it 622 days--March 12, 2020 to November 24, 2021 before The COVID entered our realm.  Ugggggg.  We did everything right--careful, vaccinated & wise without being fearful or paranoid; fully aware of the high risk nature of my kids (Isaac specifically) and the job that daily exposed me to the virus while trusting our Great Physician to protect us along the way.   Our 622nd day, the night before Thanksgiving, ended holding my violently vomiting child and his bone rattling chills sending the dreaded text to Thanksgiving guests "stay home tomorrow, this is probably COVID" and whispering 'oh dear sweet Jesus'.  

It hit Isaac first.  Then Mila--looking at me with a panic during our tiny family Thanksgiving lunch then breaking into tears "I am NOT going to school on Monday!"  She felt SO yucky, she pre-declared the start of her sick leave four days ahead of time.  (Classic Mila!) Twenty-four hours later, we had all tested positive and the Health Department was sending ration boxes to our door. 

I have harbored two fears over the last 18 months: 1.What if we all get sick at once?  2.What to do if one of us needs to be admitted to the hospital? There is literally no back up plan if I have to be two places at once caring for sick kids--and God forbid, I need to be admitted!  Thankfully, I didn't get so sick I couldn't take care of the kids. It wasn't pretty but we all were able to stay away from the hospital and recover. Isaac slept 6 days straight, waking only to drink and use the bathroom, then falling asleep again. 

He loves his pediatrician and had just said "I sick. You call Dr. P"

He spent the next 4 days refusing to eat; his little ribs poking through his frame crushed me but I was once again so very thankful that the Lord had protected my little boy from any respiratory effects of the virus--symptoms I am confident would have indeed landed us in the hospital.  

She worked on puzzles for three days straight:

I am thankful for our friends that door-dashed orange juice and ginger ale to our doorstep. And friends that literally amazon-ed blankets and kleenex. (How anyone survived the Spanish Flu without doordash, amazon & curbside pick up is absolutely beyond me).  

But also, if I find out who gave The 'Rona to us...  😠

Happy 11th Birthday, Isaac!

This year has been such a year of huge growth for you, Isaac J.  

You stand taller, at nearly 4'6 and I can no longer carry your muscular 85lb frame. The car seat has been exchanged for a booster and after many months of collecting dust in the garage, the bright orange stroller was officially passed on to another family (we milked that BOB stroller for every dollar we paid!).  You've graduated from baths to showers and manage most of that process by yourself. You cut your own food with a knife & fork and bring chapter books to me to read in the afternoons (Magic Treehouse is our new favorite!). You figured out how to master the combination of remotes and streaming services to find whatever show you are looking for...also figured out how to turn the volume down to zero when you are sneaking a show when I'm not looking (smarty pants).  After nearly 8 years of trying and trying and trying again, you've not only accepted your super ears but you ask for them in the mornings and will wear them 8+ hours without question. (hallelujah!).  And while we are still waiting for all your words to come, you've adopted the use of a Talker and have absolutely mastered it.  The first time I heard "I want orange juice with ice, please" from the backseat while in the Starbucks line I nearly broke my neck whipping around to see who was in the back seat.  I didn't even know you liked OJ with ice!

Which means, I am still learning things about you:  You don't have a sweet tooth, but do prefer Kit-Kats at Halloween when given a choice of chocolate.  Mornings are certainly your key time of the day to do chores or finish up tasks. If your sister is crying (and you are definitely not the cause), you WILL make sure she is comforted.  You listen and absorb so much more than I give you credit for; sitting next to me in 'big church' coloring has provoked excellent conversation in the later hours of the day and every time I'm shocked. I shouldn't be, but I am.  Your hand-eye coordination with sports is unbelievably accurate, even for a typical 11 year old.  But my favorite thing...and I hope this never changes...I'm still your most favorite person in the whole entire world <3 

So today we celebrate your 11th birthday!  Your sister has been declaring your special day for three weeks now, so much so her teachers called to ask "when exactly is Isaac's birthday?!"  

A surprise trip to Dave & Busters for "birthday games". 

Mila was the designated Birthday Helper and did a fabulous job!

Great Uncle Jake and Aunt Nancy are ROCK STARS in the birthday card division--thank you! <3

It's a Ryan's World birthday

Isaac JianMin you are a joy.  You have gifted me a GREAT number of gray hairs, but you are indeed a joy.  May this next year continue to grow you and gift you towards all that God has created you to be. 

Happy 11t birthday, buddy.  You are loved! <3

Happy THIRD Family Day, Mila!

 Oh goodness, your first two years home were really hard, weren't they Mila? And we were knee deep into a global pandemic and third year of hard that I honestly didn't know how we were going to handle, when the Lord showed me an issue that we could address together.  Once we identified that, EVERYTHING has changed for the positive.  You & I have been gifted a big breath in our relationship and I feel like I'm getting to know the real you for the first time.  You. Are. Funny!  And adventurous (you ASKED to dye your hair purple then you LET ME DO IT!) and quite the housekeeper--I literally haven't done the laundry in 18 months. "Mila do it, My'mom. It's mine"  You will literally not hear one peep of protest from me. 

You call me My'Mom which I think is beyond precious.  "Thank you My'Mom".  "You are welcome My'Mila" and then you smile BIG. 

You'll negotiate terms of a transaction with your brother and add a super upbeat 'Ok?" with classic big sister psychology as if Isaac has just won the lottery by giving up his turn to watch a show.   Nicely done. 

You are THE BIGGEST CHEERLEADER for any sporting or competition event.  Fear not Team, Mila White is here to make sure you CAN and should win this game. She is rooting for YOU. 

You love to travel!  While you are desperate to get on an airplane again, you are still eager for road trips to see new things and swim in new pools. So many children from adoption and/or Down syndrome need the safety of day to day routine at home. I am thankful that you are not only willing but excited to find new adventures with your Mom and brother.  

You are showering independently now.  For the last two & a half years, I've been helping you navigate all that needs to be done in the shower and then one day in July you declared you could do it!  Again, not a peep out of me!

You no longer fear the unknown, so much so that I've even found your tickle spot! The vulnerability of being tickled hadn't been something you would yield to and didn't have the emotional stability to let yourself go into uncontrolled laughter without immediately falling into fearful tears. All stemming from not having a safe primary adult as infant. But now... let the tickle fest commence!

You love church--specifically our pastor! "Pasta Illinois" (Pastor Elanor) is the epitome of all things good and holy in your life and the two of you soak in each others presence.  It's adorable.  But it's the worship that pours from your heart in the car, in your room and apparently in the classroom that moves me. One of your teachers recognized a worship song you were singing to yourself while you were working and pulled up the lyrics on the ipad. "Teacher worship, Mom! Teacher worship!" Look at that...sharing Jesus right smack in the middle of the classroom. 

You wrote your first 'story' about your family <3 

The last couple months of this third year together have given so much growth and freedom. I am so proud of you Mila and your courageous heart. This whole crazy process has involved a strange blue eyed woman begging you to not trust anything you've ever known and to lean into a life that makes zero sense...and you are doing it. Very begrudgingly at first but now we are finding our rhythm; the dance of childhood both as a toddler and adolescent learning to trust and be loved. 

Happy Third Family Day, Kamila Naomi.  You are loved <3