52 Weeks of Family: Week 31

Mila:

In the days before the re-adoption you made a big transition in your understanding that Albania is NOT here. In fact, it was the first time I had heard you actually say Albania---it was always Shkodra or Elbasan or a couple of other cities you are familiar with in your home country. When you would look at maps--no matter the map--you'd "find" your cities and point to "home" (which was no were on that map).  Your entire world, prior to 31 weeks ago, was those few cities.  But something switched this week. I think you finally realized that your previous life is indeed very far away; it's not here.  You even pointed to an airplane in the sky and said "Go Shkodra. Bye!"  That's a big light bulb moment, isn't it? I had tried to explain it; I've shown you pictures and maps and made weird sounds to show an airplane flying a long time but truly, you stepped into a plane in Albania, watched a gazillion movies and stepped out in America. Who knows what happened in the middle.  I think maybe your heart is beginning to understand...you aren't going back. It's another piece in the grief puzzle. It's ok to be happy here and still miss your people there. We will always love your Albanian family; they are apart of our family now too. 

As excited as you were for the re-adoption, it was a bit traumatic too. Someone speaking full Albanian in your right ear, court rooms and the word 'adoption' 50,000 times. It was exciting but the last time that all happened, I left you for 93 days.  You were happy on the outside but your heart was overwhelmed...I just didn't know it until I found you having reverted back to some extreme orphanage behaviors that evening.The Sisters at the orphanage had told me you do this, but I hadn't seen it once in 7 months. Oh my heart broke for you!  I just stood and watched you for a moment and let reality set in. This, what you were doing, was normal for you; something you had to do when your heart and mind couldn't understand what was happening around you...and bringing you into that courtroom, making you say that you agreed to this new life that was thrust upon you, it was too much, no matter how much you smiled and giggled through the day.  I'm sorry, sweetheart.   Adoption is only ever birthed out of pain & brokenness and none of it was your choice.  While we are working on the healing, we'll focus on the joy and let some beauty come from these ashes.

Do you remember what happened exactly one year ago today?  This!

I LOVE that our first photo is out of focus!  Your brother's first photo is too. 

Isaac:

You made dinner this week---homemade flatbread pizza with white sauce and tomatoes and chicken. It was SO good. So good, in fact, that your sister gobbled up two pieces and INITIATED A COMPLIMENT TO YOU. I nearly fell out of the chair!  "Isaaci!  I like pizza!  DELICIOUS. Good job!!"  Because neither you nor I knew what to do, I checked her for a fever.   So here is the deal, just between you and me, the way to your sister's heart apparently is through her stomach. This summer you and I will make as many of your RadDish recipes as possible and that should be the magic key we've been looking for!

You found a leaf bigger than your head!! 

Me:

This has been a serious UP and down week.  Finally get Mila's adoption completed! Now we have some serious trauma to deal with.  A three hour lunch with a friend! Isaac's school wants to turn his school plan upside down, putting us back 15 steps.  Incredible planning with a new job I'm working on!  All my summer childcare plans have fallen through.  Uggg.  Felt like one sucker punch after the other.
The three of us took our first day trip of the summer minivan style. And as we were ALL singing "Raise A Hallelujah" at the top of our lungs (it was really great) I whispered in my heart...let this be our default as a family: when it's good, we praise; when it's hard, we praise; when it's everything in between, we praise.  This family will raise a hallelujah no matter what.

It Is Finished

Today the last of the last of the last paperwork was completed for Mila's adoption. FINALLY.  After yet another drama filled series of events to get her US domestic re-adoption completed, today the last court hearing was had, the last paper was stamped, submitted and filed; after 19 months of pursuing the sonship of my Albanian daughter (and exactly one year since getting on the plane across the world)...It. Is. Finished.  Kamila Naomi, as recognized by the city of Tacoma, Pierce County, the State of Washington, the United States of America and the Republic of Albania,  you have a family FOREVER. 

Do we promise to love and protect each other forever?

Mila being asked if she wants to stay with her family in America

Mila getting to share with the court (she pointed out all her family members and reminded everyone that we go back to school tomorrow *wink*)

Final decree signed!

Yeah!! It is DONE.

Mila got to stamp and file the final decree.

Celebratory waffles with Gramma, Auntie Jessie and Cousins Noah, Elli & Snack.

I figured if you don't get to pick your family, you DO get to pick your own celebratory toy. This fan girl of mine picked a FROZEN karaoke machine! (If that doesn't prove a mother's love, nothing does).

Let's not forget this goofball.  When Mila was asked by the Judge if she had the best mom in the world, Isaac belted out "NO!"  Um...no one asked you, buddy.  (Please note, the courtroom roared with laughter including our social worker who was in attendance).  I have papers to prove that he is stuck with me and his sister for all of time.  He doesn't seem too bothered by that. *wink*

 "Not flesh of my flesh or bone of my bone, but still miraculously my own"        ~author unknown

52 Weeks of Family: Week 30

Mila:

It seems, my dear, that you are a poor looser.  You lost a game of air hockey to your brother (several games, if we are honest) and you did NOT handle that well.  There was yelling and stomping and throwing...then tears. I stood in the hallway and scratched my head for a moment "huh. Welllll, that is something we definitely need to work on".  Once you calmed down, we had a little chat.  Yes, my job is to help you feel safe in a family, but also to prepare you for life. In life, we don't always win. In fact, this Momma is going to make sure to put both you and your brother in situations that you DON'T get awarded participation medals.  Because that is life, honey. I don't care if you win...Jesus doesn't care if you win, just that we run our race WELL, to the best of our abilities with dedication and accountability and grace. So, the air hockey table is going to be out for a while, honey and Momma is going to pull out some other games that result in a winner & a non winner and we are going to work on this together...and maybe teach you some stellar air hockey skills as well!

You decided to decorate your room!  I put your room together as generic as possible so you could have free reign when you decided to take ownership.  Recently, I've seen you rearranging drawers and even 'playing' with nail polish and other girly items I stocked in your room. The room has slowly become yours.  Then when your Aunt Jessie gave you a big book of FROZEN movie posters....well, that just changed everything.  Two rolls of tape later, the garden green walls have been wallpapered with your teen idols...Elsa, Anna, Kristoff and the "Whoo-hoo! Big summer blow out"-guy.  I'm particularly moved by the placement of Queen Elsa and Sven the reindeer directly under the crucifix given to you by the Sisters at the orphanage. *facepalm*

The space for your garden has been cleared out and after some back & forth you ultimately decided on planting vegetables instead of flowers.  You seem genuinely excited about this little garden!  I hope that is it is a fruitful project (the garden fairy may be visiting after hours from time to time!) and helps cement you to your new home.

Isaac:
You've had a rough-ish week. Your school para who has been with you for nearly two years left for a different district and you've had a rotating door of helpers over the last two weeks. It's not ideal for a heart that needs relationship consistency and some of that anxiety is showing.  I'm praying the school is able to find a permanent para quickly.

Chill-axing in your chair with your Friday night pizza and a cold one (fresh watermelon juice!)

A couple of weeks ago we said good-bye to the rocking chair in your nursery. I was actually excited to pass it along to a home for unwed mothers...but then I had to drive away without it. Heartbreaking!  You and I have spent A LOT of time in that rocker. Last week your dresser/changing table was upgraded to a real big kid dresser with room for your not so little clothes. This week I finally sorted and donated the last of your baby clothes. I'm glad that the vast majority were passed along to other adoption families and foster ministries but oh to see those teeny tiny little shirts from you first came home!

Me:

My Gypsy Man Sandals were the bane of my existence in Albania. They got me from point A to point B, were sturdy and practical but boy did I hate them--and if I'm honest, I just needed something to focus my anger at during our 60 days of seemingly unending bad news. The GMS won that award.    After meeting an American missionary couple in Greece, I was sharing the story of my sandals (I had to!  Who would wear those things willingly to church!?!) and noted "I think God is trying to keep me humble on this trip."  The husband stared at my feet for a moment and quickly responded "Yeah, and single".  I nearly fell out of the Anglican pew I was laughing so hard!!  Mission accomplished Gypsy Man Sandals, mission accomplished. 

Seems outside of getting me from point A to point B, absorbing my emotional outburst, keeping me humble (and single) my GMS also gave me a wicked case of Albanian Plantar Fasciitis, which I can now attest to being WAY worse than it's US counterpart. Since October I've tried every trick in the book and I've finally resorted to injections in my heel and this lovely contraption:

I'm shaking my fist at you, Gyspy Man Sandals! grrrrrrrr. 

In other news, I've been challenging myself to stay in my bed as long as possible on Saturday & Sunday mornings. The kids can do relatively well in the mornings without structure and WHAT IF my eyelids didn't open until 7am?!?  Saturday I made it to 7:30--how glorious!  And no one had burned down the house, even better!

52 Weeks of Family: Week 29

Mila:

You had a couple of little shutdown this week, but you and I addressed & resolved them within just a few minutes which is HUGE growth for both of us.  You are learning that you can communicate in a different way (shutdowns don't get anyone very far) and I have learned how to better help you through a rough patch. Do you remember your first shutdown in Albania??  I think I sat by you on that orphanage floor for nearly two hours unable to verbally communicate with you at all, but you needed to know a mom sticks by your side, even in the hard times. (Although, not going to lie...the good times are the preference *wink*).  The point is, we are moving in the right direction...together. 

You came home from school on Friday with a hand made mother's day gift. I opened it to find a card with 'Mom' and 'Mila' written all over it. You beamed ear to ear. "I love you Mom!"  Oh honey.  You've never gotten to say that before, have you?  I now you get to say it to me.  <3  This Mother's Day is a special day for both of us, isn't it?

Isaac:

You had a special event at school this week to highlight Academic Achievements. Seems you and a classmate have been working hard on a report about...pigs. (I can't tell you how much that makes me giggle!)  You did SUCH a good job!  I am so very proud of you. I know your para helped keep you on track but to see how much you wrote and drew on your own, I actually teared up!  Plus a clay model of a pig SNOUT...with nostrils!  Well done, buddy. I am proud of you. 

Me:

I think my favorite part of this week was Saturday evening: We made popcorn for dinner and planned to watch a movie together when Isaac spontaneously laid out a blanket on the floor for us to sit on (something we've not done as a family of three) and Mila started chanting "Moana!-Moana!-Moana!" (something SHE has never done).  It was totally unscripted and 100% lead by the short people of the house.  What a beautiful gift, especially on this mother's day weekend.