The Spirit of Christmas

     "I had just nodded off, at a quarter past four, when the Spirit of Christmas stepped in through my door. With a great show of sparkles, he decked all my halls in tinsel and twinkles and bright, shining balls. I was really quite fond of the trimmings he'd brought. 'But there's just something missing this Christmas,' I thought...

     ...That's when the Spirit of Christmas smiles.  'Remember, this all began with a child. Because it took nothing but love to begin it, it's not really Christmas if love isn't in it.'

     Your tree may be large as the room will allow with a big yellow start on the uppermost bough, but of one thing I'm certain, I'm sure of one thing.  It's love that makes the angels sing.  And that's when I got it.  That's when I knew! The thing that was missing from Christmas was you! 

     And so then, my darling, wherever you roam, may you always be safe...may you always come home.  For as long as the world still spins and still hums, wherever you are, and no matter what comes, the best part of Christmas will always be...you beneath my Christmas tree." ~by Nancy Tillman.


Here is to NEXT Christmas and ALL that it will bring.
Merry Christmas from Little One & I.

Flaunting My 'Prints

     I was going to title this "A funny thing happened on the way to Homeland Security", but the truth is nothing funny or unfunny happened on the way to Homeland Security.  And I'm sure nine different government agencies would not appreciate any inference that Homeland Security is funny...or not funny...or whatever...Your Honor.
     I had a very quick visit last week with the aforementioned a-comical government agency.  I took the afternoon off from work assuming that I'd be stuck in paperwork Hades for a few hours, but I was literally in AND out in 15 minutes.  Biometrics DONE with no messing around!  The nice lady who processed me said I had "very attractive fingerprints"...? I'm still not sure how to file that little piece of information, but I'm willing to flaunt my 'prints if that's what it takes to bring my son home (Is there a line there that just got crossed?! I'm seriously not sure...)
     Here are a few photos (courtesy of Jessie Johanson) of my fingerprinting appointment in July. That's right...I know what I am doing.  ;)  Little One's baby book is going to be filled with somewhat unusual pictures like these, but full of as much joy & anticipation as any ultrasound photo or first tooth picture.  We'll have fun talking about God working through each step in bringing him home.  And...maybe, many, many years in the future one of my great grandchildren will climb into their Grandpa Little One's lap and ask to see the photo of Grandma Des and her attractive fingerprints. :)

Watch out...it kind of tickles.

Them are some good looking fingerprints!

November Update

 

I've had several people comment at the hilarity of my October 31st post and then the November 1st post.  One day kvetching at the horrendous waiting game that is the adoption process and the next the overwhelming shock of being matched with my son!  While the kvetching & shock were both very real, in hindsight, I can see the comedy...and probably hear a few of the Angels chuckling. It makes me sheepishly smile; overwhelmed at God's faithfulness that has been promised to me from Eternity, and honestly, makes me a little paranoid...what else do You have up your sleeve, Lord?!

     So since the joy of "meeting" my Little One just twenty-nine days ago, his available medical record has been scoured (with a diagnosis of Down syndrome, he appears to be one healthy little boy!), a pediatrician found, his photo placed in a locket around my neck, his first birthday celebrated, his name announced (it's a GOOD name), an appointment with the Department of Homeland Security US Citizenship & Immigration Services secured, and ANOTHER file binder of paperwork started. (I cannot accurately describe the unbelievable amount of paperwork!)

     I am oddly at peace with the knowledge that he is THERE and I am HERE. That separation was something I anticipated fearing, but knowing that he is in a foster home and not in institutionalized orphanage care is reassuring. There is a kind Asian woman out there who greets him in the morning, makes his bottles during the day & tucks him in at night (also, dresses him in pink, poor guy...but I suppose that's a small detail in the big scheme of things). Hopefully, she cuddles & coos with him, maybe even sings Mandarin lullabies to him when he is fussy.  She, apparently, is the one who gave Little One his Chinese name in hope that he would grow to have a strong & healthy life. Recently, I've found myself thinking more about her than his birth family. This woman, whoever she is, will always be that fuzzy face that Little One almost remembers just before he falls asleep. I pray that receives the blessing promised to those caring for the Lord's precious children. If I ever get to meet her, there will be tears...and hugging...maybe even some blubbering just for good measure. :)

     I have an appointment with Immigration next week.  Getting my fingerprints processed is the next hurdle, so please join me in praying for favor with this government agency, and for my "biometrics" (how official does that sound?!) to be processed in God's perfect timing...which I'm believing is quickly. Once I get my paperwork back from Immigration I can get my dossier approved and sent off to China.  Any part of this process that involves the word China, means we are another step closer to bringing Little One home!

Birthday Boy!

My boy turned one today...and we celebrated!! Friends & family came together and ate lunch, sang Happy Birthday, had cake & ice cream, opened gifts and took pictures. It was a real live 1st Birthday Party!  This Little One will arrive to his forever-family KNOWING that he is celebrated, loved and desired. What a joy it will be to celebrate together the many, many birthdays yet to come.  Happy 1st Birthday, Little One.  We love you!

A Three Year Old Cousin's Prayer

"Thanks that Auntie Des's baby will laugh and smile when he comes home to Auntie Des's house, and also before".

Doesn't that just melt your heart?! 

May you be FILLED with joy, Little One, and depression & fear be far from you. You have many, many people who are praying for you & waiting for you to come home!

This Week I Learned...

• That I have a son!

• That the Chinese government gave initial approval of ME to be HIS mom!

• That my son is the FIRST child with Down syndrome officially placed for adoption from China (what a plan God must have for this child!!!)

• That, sadly, I can't publicly post his pictures or announce his name for much longer than I thought. (...read between the lines here folks...)

• That my international adoption case worker is having to devise a whole new paperwork schedule for me as God keeps opening up doors MUCH faster (& in the "wrong" order!) than is normal.  *hehe*

• That I will be spending two weeks in China when it is time to pick him up. (Spring/Summer)

• That you can be totally & madly in love with a child you've never met...

I received a VERY unexpected phone call from my social worker today. VERY VERY UNEXPECTED phone call.

Social Worker: Hi!  I have some news. Are you sitting down?
Me: Uh..yeah (I wasn't)
Social Worker: There has been a child match. You have a son!
Me: oh....wait, WHAT?!
Social Worker: *uncontrolled laughter*
Me: I need to sit down
Social Worker: I thought you were...?
Me: I lied!!

     There are twenty different reasons why this was an unexpected phone call.  The top two being: I thought I was still several weeks if not months away from being matched to a waiting child...and today is Tuesday. Let's be honest, nothing exciting ever happens on a Tuesday.  But today at 11:16am I found out I have a son.  How wildly unexpected is that?!

     I am still learning about who this little person is: I know he will have his first birthday in just a few weeks and that he is safe & being nurtured in a foster home.  I cannot tell you how that warms my heart.  (Lord, bless that home and the precious people caring for our little guy even now.) I have his Chinese name, given to him by his foster mother with a hope for a healthy life. My plan is to keep this as his middle name to honor the culture and people he comes from. (I will announce his full English-Chinese name after the next round of paperwork confirms everything.) I also have photos that the Chinese government has asked me to not yet share publicly, but let me tell you...he is CUTE!  EEEEKKK--I just want to squeeze his skinny little thighs and drown in his big dark almond eyes! 

   I am overwhelmed and thrilled at what today has brought. And I cannot articulate the tangibility of the Lord's love and blessing that I feel over my household and our future.

   Lots of details to come in the coming weeks.....!!!

October Update

Okie Dookie---here is where we are at:

* The Home Study is officially done, signed, notarized and on my desk. HALLELUJAH. A lot can be done now that chunk of paperwork is completed.

* My "China Waiting Child" documents have been sent to the Bethany corporate offices in Grand Rapids. China releases children waiting for adoption to an adoption portal once per month. Multiple agencies have access to this portal and the international caseworker assigned to me/us in Michigan now has the paperwork to match me up with a little one waiting to come home off that portal. She will access the portal and check for any children under two with Down Syndrome and contact me. At which point I can "decide" if he or she is my child (I STILL have a hard time wrapping my brain around this process). The child will then be 'put on hold' until the Chinese government deems me worthy via an official Letter of Acceptance. We will most likely be matched with a child before the end of the year. I continue to believe that the Holy Spirit will guide this crazy process.

* My immigration forms (and a chunk of change) were sent to the Department of Homeland Security this morning. The post office lady looked at me a little cross-eyed when I quietly laid my hands on the package and prayed over them at her counter. I didn't get too Pentecostal on her, but I'm convinced she looked towards the cameras. :)

* Homeland Security will review my application (to bring a child INTO out country) and schedule me for additional fingerprinting that will then have to be processed. (Apparently, my fingerprints have somehow changed since July...). Rumor is this whole process can take 3-4months. I'm praying for favor and a quick turn around. (See post office intercession above). If how quickly everything else has been going is any indication, hopefully we'll be hearing from our friends at Homeland Security before Christmas. Please pray for favor & God's perfect timing to direct this process.

*Once we have the US Government's approval, I can then send my dossier to the Chinese government to review (to bring a child OUT of their country). They will decide that I'm a pretty nice lady and would do a good job raising one of their children (I'm paraphrasing their process) and give the official ok to bring Little One home to us...his/her forever family. The guesstimate is that we'll be headed to China late spring/early Summer.

*For those who have the free time & want to visualize what the process of what going to China looks like, there is an AWESOME National Geographic video called "China's Lost Girls". It gives a basic overview of why there are so many children in China that need adopted and follows an American family as they go to China to pick up their little girl. For those who prefer to read, "The Lost Daughters of China" by Karin Evans is EXCELLENT; I've read it twice.

*It's time to apply for grants. I'm starting an entirely separate binder for grant applications--the amount of paperwork needed for the grants is nearly as much as the adoption process. Copies of tax returns, statements of faith, letters of intention, references, etc. It's a lot...but also for a lot. Agency fees, country fees, filing fees, travel and post-adoption services put the cost at about $30,000. It's an impressive sum. BUT I also know that the Lord has ordained this adoption and I have the "remembrance stones" of multiple miraculous door openings already in this process. I'm excited to see how the Lord provides for us as a family! Many of you have offered to act as references. Thank you! I will be contacting you soon.

     How am I doing? :) That depends on the day! For whatever reason, today has been particularly overwhelming, but I was walking on sunshine just two days ago. It's a strange combination of feeling like I've been doing this F-O-R-E-V-E-R & if I have to sign one more piece of paper I'LL SCREAM and 'oh my gosh! This is going so fast! I just need two seconds to breath!'. :) I'm sure all the pregnant mommas out there are rolling their eyes a little. Pregnancy whether actual or emotional is still pregnancy. Mine just happens to be the pregnancy of an elephant! :)  I just  can't wait for Little One to meet all the amazing people who helped bring him/her home

A Word on Birth Mothers

A young woman came into my work today. Twenty-three years old already with multiple pregnancies, one she chose to parent, a few she terminated...AND one she placed for an open adoption.  I was so proud of her!  I caught myself trying to look directly into her eyes and I wanting desperately to hug her:  “You made a good decision;  ‘we’ll’ do a good job raising your son”.  I wish I knew how to better communicate the unbelievable amount of courage birth parents have.  They make the ultimate parenting decision. And what a responsibility and honor it is as adoptive parents to parent their children.  Lord show me how to be that voice.

September Update

Oh my goodness...where do I start?! 

The home study process is officially coming to an end. The social worker reports, home inspection, medical reports, your reference forms, etc are now in "my file" and are being sent off to Bethany's corporate office in Michigan along with my social worker's official recommendation (She assures me I passed). 

We now move onto the inter-country dossier and immigration process.  I have to get approval from both the Chinese and US governments to take a child out of one country & bring it into the other.  I can do all this without yet having a child match, which is good.  I was told yesterday that I have to declare either Hong Kong or China before moving forward.  I have yet to figure out the geo-political divisions that somehow makes Hong Kong and their orphaned children different than China, but apparently the paperwork...and the cost...are wildly different. I had just figured out how to finance on my own the MUCH cheaper process through Hong Kong when I was presented with this option yesterday.  I promised my social worker that I would pray & honestly, I thought Hong Kong was going to be the clear answer.  But then, all day yesterday & this morning, I've kept hearing "if you are going to trust Me to provide, you've got to let Me provide all the way."  That's a tough one to argue with...so Little One is coming from China and we/I/me are believe God to provide for the additional $10,000 to bring him/her home. 

I smile to think of the 'birth' story I'll have to share with this child--God's hand so intimately apart of every detail; the miraculous threads that have sown our family together.  What an absolute honor to be chosen to be a part of God's story for him/her.   Praise you Lord.

The Dreaded Home Inspection

Lesson number one when having an adoption home inspection: DO NOT cook pad Thai the night before. Eggs, peanut & chicken is not a good "trust me" kind of a smell. Lesson number two: DEFINITELY don't try to cover the pad Thai smell with a hydrangea candle! Good gravy, that did NOT work.

The interview and home walk through was a two hour process (no real inspecting really, but I KNOW she looked through the cabinets when she conveniently needed to use the bathroom before she left. How did I know, you may ask. I child proofed the dumb things and I heard her trying to open them in the next room. HA! Two points for the adoptive mom!). A lot of questioning about my upbringing making sure I'm not damaged for life. I was honest. I figured the FBIs got my DNA already, hiding anything now is pointless. I think she appreciated that. We laughed a lot and the social worker gave me a healthy wink & a smile at the end. (Is it wrong that I joked about prescribing narcotics for her?!) My final interview is in two weeks then she can submit my home study to the national office to be reviewed by the international specialist and I should be cleared to 'pass go' before Halloween.

GOOD NEWS---my fingerprints came back from the FBI on August 30th! I didn't know this until today. What was supposed to take 3 solid months, took less than 6 weeks! That is truly a miracle.

Next steps---Once the home study is approved (end of Oct), I can start applying for adoption grants (hallelujah!), until then I'm working on all the paperwork needed for my Hong Kong dossier. I didn't realize that you could move forward with this without a child match---turns out the dossier is country-specific not child-specific. This is great news as we can keep moving forward as we are waiting for a child match. As much as I hate not having a tangible child to focus on, I truly am thankful for God's hand of protection & timing on this. I would be going absolutely BONKERS if I knew MY child was out there & I couldn't get to him/her for another 6months. I am reminded of Corrie ten Boom's account of her father carrying her luggage to the train station and she fighting to be able to carry it by herself as a young child. (I'm paraphrasing here...). Her father told her "I'll carry your burden until it's time for you to carry it yourself".

August Update

August 2, 2011: Spending the evenings surrounded by adoption magazines & books and a little overwhelmed at how I am supposed to absorb it all.  I admit, frustrated by The Wait, knowing that I am at the beginning and there is so much more to go.  Psalm 27:14 Wait patiently for the Lord. Be brave & courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the Lord.

August 29, 2001: I’m tired of reading!  Akkkk.  My eyes hurt. I understand the need to be prepared for the realities of adoption, and that not all of it is pretty, but surely there is a book out there that says “You’re going to be a GREAT mom. The Lord will tell you exactly what to do in the moment that you need it. Sure, there are going to be some rough days, but there is also going to be wonderful days that will remind you why you did this to begin with”? I want to read THAT book.  (Someone noted “that book” was the Bible…very funny.  I can’t do a book report on the Bible....Can I?)

July Update

Several of you have call to see where WE (love the we!) are at with adoption paperwork this week; I've been so busy doing the paperwork, I've forgotten to tell anyone about it. How I could forget about the paper is beyond me, 'cuz there is paperwork EVERYWHERE and a tad ALL CONSUMING. (insert daunting echoing sound effects here).

I am officially in the Home Study process, which apparently is the worst part. Good to get that over with, I suppose. The list is long, but here is a general overview of what the Home Study involves:

·       FBI fingerprinting (Jessie came with me on the 11th & took pictures of that process. I can guarantee you nobody else's kids are going to have THAT photo in their baby book!)

·       Extensive questioning about my upbringing & mental state through puberty (THAT was a real treat to complete)

·       Peer & pastoral references (thank you to those that were involved with this portion!)

·       Work references & salary confirmations

·       Ten hours of online training (haven't started that yet...)

·       Twenty hours of additional assigned reading...and written book reports

·       Financial statements, copies of insurance, birth certificates, legal guardianship paperwork---all notarized, of course

·       Discipline plans

·       Personal interviews & home inspection (that’s coming any day)

·       Physical exams, blood work & xrays

It's A LOT! This all while checking 'the catalog' of waiting children on a regular basis. It's a little overwhelming, I won't lie. There are some days that I can't look at the pile when I get home from work. It's a feeling very similar to that of when I was in grad school--overwhelmed, unprepared, financially upside-down, and certainly not sure what the future was holding...but positive the Lord told me to do it. The Lord was certainly faithful in that arena! Secretly, I was kind of hoping I wouldn't ever have to go back to that 'place' again, but it is now the altar of remembrance that I am holding onto. This time, instead of a fancy framed diploma and patients that are convinced that caught tuberculosis from their pet fish (not making that up!)...a sweet little one who needs a momma is the reward.

Paperwork Maddness

The big packet of Home Study paperwork has been sent out!  There is not much more about me that is not in that envelope. Lord, protect it & surround it with favor.  Just straggling forms & little lists to complete while waiting for my fingerprinting to be processed.  And books to read.  Lots of books to read…

June Update

Well, if I was looking for any other confirmation, listen to this:

     I've been feeling really good about international & decided to complete the preliminary international application on-line just to see what happened. The process of review & matching the applicant with the available countries normally takes 2 weeks...I got my results in 19 hours! NINETEEN HOURS. Jack Bauer can't even get anything done in 19hours...which means, mathematically, we have proof that God is indeed bigger than Jack Bauer!

     I've been matched with Ethiopia, Russia (with stipulations that are still unclear), China & Hong Kong...which means that as a single adopter I qualify for those countries. I've had a couple of days to ruminate---I'm not feeling particularly passionate about Ethiopia and I still need to get details on Russia. China sounds good, but honestly Hong Kong feels really good. Of course, I'm praying about it, but I've also asked the Holy Spirit to make Himself clearly heard through my emotions and 'gut instincts'. I feel a little bit like I'm playing blindfolded Hot-Cold with a birthday present, but trusting that I'm hearing appropriately.

     So..the next step. I'm working on the formal application with my international adoption specialist After the formal app is processed (I'm not sure how long that will take), it's on to the Home Study and the fields of paperwork.

     This is going a lot faster than I thought it would, which I hope is a sign of God's favor.

The Gospel. The Seed of Adoption. My Family Tree.

Samuel. Esther. Ruth. Moses. Dave Thomas. Malcolm X.  Steve Jobs. Scott Hamilton. Marilyn Monroe. Melissa Gilbert. Babe Ruth. Faith Hill. Harry Carry. Eleanor Roosevelt. Leo Tolstoy. George Washington Carver. Edgar Alan Poe. Crazy Horse. Aristotle. Nancy Regan. ALL adopted. All born into one family and raised by another. All loved and cared for by someone without their same blood. Each with their own hurts, joy, failures and successes. Each with the permanent mark of God’s redeeming story…you were vulnerable, alone and unable to care for yourself and I sought you out to love you as my own.  Adoption IS the Gospel story.

I’m sure every adoptive parent has a different on-ramp on their road to adoption, but the mileage is the same.  Mine was on a plane, December 1994.  I was seventeen and on my first trip to Seattle—the city that I now call my own. During the boarding process, a woman in a white t-shirt holding an Asian toddler passed on my left down the aisle.  She didn’t bump me.  The kid wasn’t screaming.  No one smelled funny.  There was no reason why this woman & child should have stood out to me.  But the Voice within me that echoed as she passed me was significant: “That’ll be you”.  Of course, at the time, I didn’t understand the magnitude of that prophetic statement.  I nonchalantly tucked it away in the “Someday” file that, at the time, included riding in a hot air balloon and marrying Val Kilmer. (Hello, Top Gun!)

Over the next 15 years I kept a soft spot for adoption. I was drawn to the young and sick on missions trips. I focused on pediatric & international medicine in school & work. I gave faithfully to adoption organizations and was in awe of Steven Curtis and Mary Beth Chapman’s adoption story of their three daughters. Then one Sunday in November 2009 the Voice echoed again “It’s time”.  Say WHAT?!!  I knew instantly, the Lord was calling me, eh, tossing me from 30,000feet, onto the adoption road, but it would take me another 18months of personal struggle before I would finally say YES.  YES to the Lord’s calling. YES to welcoming a child of a different race and with special needs into my home.  YES to the financial struggles and social stigmas. YES to believing God’s plan for me and my family was FAR more important than my desire to marry Hugh Jackman (Sadly, Val didn’t age as well as I had hoped…). YES to understanding that God was not asking me to do anything I hadn’t already promised Him I would do…Go to the ends of the earth, and to care for the widow and the orphan (Matthew 28:19 & James 1:27).  YES to realizing that is EXACTLY what God had done for me. 

The Gospel is adoption and adoption is growing my family tree.