Weekend Chores

I knew raising a son would involve sports and cars and monsters and wrestling and belching. All of which Isaac seems to understand well.  But very early on I set my mind on making sure this boy of mine could manage himself in the house, with or without an extra chromosome...I will proudly be your mother, I will not be your maid.  Those are two very different things.  

Isaac does well in the kitchen. He can make his own toast, nachos and Popsicles (three course meal!). He "loads" the dishwasher and puts away the Tupperware. He also proudly sets the table and makes sure every setting has a napkin.  He has been folding laundry (towels, shirts and socks) for a while now, but I've upped the game to doing a basket of laundry from start to finish. So every Saturday morning he is in charge of taking the basket of laundry from his bathroom, putting it into the wash, setting the machine and pushing the button.  When it beeps, he gets to stop whatever he is doing and transfer the clothes over to the dryer and set the timer.  When the dryer beeps, he gets to put the dry clothes in the basket, help fold the clothes and put them away.  It's a multiple step process that gets broken up into little steps which is perfect for us.   I want him to understand that: 1. there are family chores that need to be done; and 2. he has every capability of doing those chores, even at 6 years old & with an extra chromosome; and most importantly, 3. chores don't have to be work. Turn on the music loud and lets have some fun!  Diligent hands and a happy heart gets a lot well done. 

His wife will thank me later!

Lifeguards in the Desert

Getting to share a bit over at Village21:

The adoption journey is fraught with hoops, hurdles, speed bumps and honest to goodness battles. Sometimes they are struggles in advocating that require your full emotional and physical presence. Frequently they are medical fights that drain your very soul as you stand strong for your sweet & fragile child. More often than not, it is the spiritual battles that drive you to your knees weak and emotionally beat-up interceding for the heart of a young one that has known nothing but pain & rejection. Rarely can you see the next attack approaching on the horizon as it has a nasty habit of broad-siding you and yours while quietly recovering from the last spiritual bloodshed. It can seriously feel like being caught in the surf; wave after wave of conflict with little opportunity to come up for air.  But the true tragedy is believing the lie that you are fighting the war alone; that there is is no lifeguard keeping watch.

The New Testament is full of beautiful exhortations of carrying each others burdens (Gal 6:2), caring for others before yourself (Phil 2:4), and being unified in Christ (Eph 4:4). My favorite visual of spiritual life-guarding however is from deep in the Old Testament:

“...So Joshua did what Moses had commanded and fought the army of Amalek. Meanwhile, Moses, Aaron, and Hur climbed to the top of a nearby hill.  As long as Moses held up the staff in his hand, the Israelites had the advantage. But whenever he dropped his hand, the Amalekites gained the advantage.  Moses’ arms soon became so tired he could no longer hold them up. So Aaron and Hur found a stone for him to sit on. Then they stood on each side of Moses, holding up his hands. So his hands held steady until sunset.  As a result, Joshua overwhelmed the army of Amalek in battle.” (Exodus 17: 10-13)

This is what I see in the lifeguards our Lord provided to Moses in the desert:

• They were so engaged in God’s work through Moses, they climbed the mountain alongside him to prepare for his warfare. It's wasn't their battle, but they were going anyway.
• They were acutely aware of Moses’s strengths & weaknesses so that when he became emotionally overwhelmed and physically exhausted they could immediately intervene. They KNEW Moses; they had a deep enough relationship with him they understood the core of who he was.

• They were sweating in the heat of Moses’s battle providing direct support. None of this 'call me if you need anything' nonsense. Aaron & Hur were RIGHT THERE with him providing practical & spiritual care. 
• They remained fully involved in supporting their friend until the sun had set and the battle had been won. They gave their 101% as their ministry and gift to Moses & the Lord.

This feels powerful. And significantly beyond the social norm of our American culture. To be so intimately and healthily connected with a brother or sister in Christ outside of your immediate family can feel uncomfortable and strange. But the impact!  The spiritual impact of the Family of the Lord coming together to diligently guard, defend and rescue each other through the storms...that is a total game changer in the adoption journey.

Let me quietly point out, what made it possible for Moses’s lifeguards to do their job successfully was Moses’s humble and willing acceptance of the ministry of his friends. There are two lies whispered by the Enemy: 1. There is no help when we need it; 2. We don’t need the help that is available.  Let us not believe either! And stand BOLDLY with our adoption lifeguards to fight the battles required to win our children’s heart for the Lord!

First Week of School

We've finished our first week of Kindergarten 2.0!  After a good experience with general education inclusion last year, I decided to take advantage of the LACK of educational gap between Isaac and his peers and let him be King of the Kindergarten this school year while we focus on communication strategies and working out the balance of general education inclusion vs. special education. It's been a process that's involved moving schools and starting from scratch and trusting the Lord to guide me in very unfamiliar territory. Finding your child's educational success sweet spot within the unique framework of communication delay, down syndrome and attachment issues is a battle--fighting for equity within the education system often feels like a full time job. Thankfully, Isaac enjoys learning (when he thinks it's his idea!) and is emotionally prime for academics: his favorite letter right now is R--I've found it written about 2,000 times on various pieces of paper around the house. *wink* 

It's going to be a good year!  Full of growth, new learning, partnership, some failures and A LOT of successes!  

Reading his own sign. We've been practicing hard over the summer!

Like last year, I got to spend some time with Isaac and his new classmates during jump start. It was good to see him in the environment that he'll spend his time away from home. Although this is a new school, teachers & routine, he figured things out pretty quickly. The benefit of a 2.0 year is having the foundational skills like gluing and cutting DOWN.

His new teacher is quickly learning sign language and integrating it into the class so all of his new friends can understand my little boy. We are blessed to have a special education support that is fluent in ASL. Yeah for hand talking!

Final Weekend of Summer (Going to the Fair)

It's the final weekend before school starts. It's been a GOOD summer. Lots of road trip adventures, hikes, beaches, pool time, airplane rides and friends. My decreased work schedule this year has given us lots of opportunities to just be at home too---it's been good.

We spent our last weekday at the Washington State Fair with Isaac's auntie & cousins. He loves even the mention of them so spending an entire day together fed his heart deeply. 

My adventure seeking son is a roller coaster boy. His mother is not...but she'll do just about anything to see her boy smile...so:

I had a headache for 14 hours afterwards, but he'll never know. He got to sit in the front of the kiddy roller coaster and raise his hands and hoot & holler with his mom at the Fair. That's a pretty solid memory to have for a little boy. 

My must-do this year was an exhibit on the history Camp Harmony--the Japanese Internment Camp that had been on the site of very fairgrounds we were walking around. Sadly, I personally know people that were interned here when it happened. This ugly piece of US history happened just 3 miles from my house--the house that I am raising my immigrant Asian son. Those last four words deeply impacted how I took in his exhibit:

 A replica of one of the barracks---a barely converted horse stall:

Isaac participating in the exhibit--making his own straw pillow then taking it to lay on a straw bed in one of the barracks.  He said it the bed was 'owie'. It sure was buddy. It sure was. 

Riding the gondola:

  Fair food!

The Fair was a good way to end our summer. The rest of this weekend will be lunch boxes and back packs and freezer meals and going to be early for Monday morning comes quickly...

A Path in the Battlefield

Getting to share a bit over at Village21:

I knew this was going to be a summer of transitions:  First last day of school. First return back to daycare/montessori. Second last day of daycare/montessori. Second first day of school. First days in a brand new school with new friends, new teachers, new expectations. I admit I’ve wandered about this summer on tiptoes not know how my little boy would respond to all these transitions in such a small amount of time. But he has tackled this summer like a boss!  The perfect timing of a beautiful emotional growth spurt, some new tools in my parenting toolbox and a decreased work schedule for me. It has been a really good summer. He even went to school jumpstart without me for 3 & ½ days and did GREAT!  Such strides. I’m so proud.  We’ve kept the ground we fought so hard to win over the school year...kind of:

Since school jump start, he’s needed to fall asleep where he can see me every night. We’ve had no issues during the day, in fact our days have been stellar. But nighttime has always been a different story. He is peaceful and well positioned on the couch right where he can see me working in the dining room or kitchen should his eyes should crack open. In between his breathy snore I can imagine what his little heart must be strategizing: “Find the momma. Make sure you know where she is at. When she leaves during the day, she says she will always come back...but what if…? Keep her close by, just in case.”  Three giant steps forward this summer. A half step back.  Even after 5 years, there is attachment ground we are still fighting for. An active battlefield for his heart.  A well positioned battalion of trauma that just. won’t. release. it’s grip.

Some battlefields of the heart are bigger, longer, deeper entrenched. Some of our kiddos have experienced and felt more than any human heart should ever know.  It’s the depths of those hurts that we lay at the feet of the cross--Jesus take these unimaginable wounds; by the tortuous stripes you bare on your back we believe you can heal these pains (Is 53:5).  I wonder as Jesus crippled under the weight of every undeserved lash against His sinless body, if He foreknew the unbearable pain our children would experience; desperate to be the bearer of that insufferable hurt so they wouldn’t have to...not for long, sweet heart; just give it to Me. The sin is deep in this world. You were not meant to carry it. I’ll bear it for you. I love you so deeply. I’ll take it away.

The truth is the same for adoptive parents, isn’t it? I find myself defaulting to carrying my little one’s burdens for him, when it is not I who should bare them either...at least not permanently. He is young. His heart does not yet know how to shelter under the wings of the Heavenly Father his heart cannot see. So through his actions he turns to me: Will you take the fear, momma?  Yes, sweet boy---watch me carry it to Jesus. Watch me carry it over and over and over again until your heart learns to trust the well worn path to our Savior. Trusting that path and the Person on the other side is my truest goal for you, little one.

I suppose that is how we win our battleground from the enemy, from the trauma that has entrenched in the hearts of our children or the parental guilt that is trying to seed in ours: through the well worn path to Jesus in the midst of the battlefield. Over and over and over again, dodging arrows, setbacks, sleepless nights, bloodied hearts and self doubt; we trudge forward to the Cross, each step modeling to our children: I will fight for you, because He fought for us!