When you first start the adoption process, potential parents are given a form to identify what types of children they are comfortable parenting. Essentially a shopping list for a tiny human who needs a family. It's a horrifying form to review. I do understand the WHY behind the form--personal awareness is needed before blindly saying yes to any child who needs a home. Do you live in the middle of Nebraska without easy access to a multi-specialty pediatric hospital? Then you probably shouldn't say yes to a child with multiple known medical needs. Are you a stellar parent but with multiple orthopedic concerns yourself? It wouldn't be wise to welcome home a child who will need daily assistance with lifting, etc. Do you already parent multiple children with trauma histories? Safety would dictate saying not now to a child with significant emotional needs that would benefit from a smaller focused family. I get it; it makes sense. But the form also has illiteracy, wears glasses, down syndrome and issues as benign as bedwetting. (As much as I dislike changing wet sheets, who would say "thanks but no thanks" to a child who wakes up wet?? Is *that* the reason a child remain an orphan??) Personally, I struggle with distortion between Holy Spirit directed self awareness and a comfortable parental shopping list that The Form has become. I've seen many families say YES with good intentions but without wisdom, doing real damage to their new child and their established families. I've also seen far too many families say NO to a child desperate for a family because their comfort may be challenged. (I've got a whole soapbox about not serving a comfortable God...ask me about it sometime. *wink* )
I reviewed The Form with pain and prayer for both my kids, wanting to trust the Lord with the skills & experience I already had and with the list of unknowns that might come with my kids. Isaac's heart issues and hearing impairments were a surprise, but we've figured out life with them both. A single sentence in Mila's files alluded to possible orthopedic issues and we found several different diagnoses pretty quick after she came home. An orthopedic plan was developed including the need for single level living for our housing future. Nearly four years later, we are still pulling back new layers of Mila's medical onion--nothing that could have been expected on The Form.
Last summer, Mila started complaining of more knee pain. The pain progressed into not being able to walk all the way through Costco and not being able to kick while swimming. Through the broken hoop-jumping process that is the American healthcare system (Arrrggg! enter another soapbox), it took until Feb 2022 to secure a sedated MRI.
Sleepy knee picture day!
We had the results before we left the parking garage. Six paragraphs of a radiology speak translated into "this knee is a hot mess, multiple specialists needed". Ugg. Vials of blood tests, more xrays and urgent specialty visits led me into an emotion I had yet to have as an adoptive parent--anger towards her bioparents. All of this had nothing to do with her extra chromosome; it had nothing to do with being adopted or even being 'a teeny tiny Albanian' (her favorite descriptor). This was 100% an inherited disease from her first parents and there was nothing I could do about it.
Isaac helping after a big blood draw:
Another sedated procedure:
Nearly a year later, all the vials and all the images and all the pokes have given us a new diagnosis of Juvenile Arthritis; a rare autoimmune disorder. The sole treatment, essentially a cocktail of cancer drugs with a long list of nasty side effects, tricking her body to stop attacking itself and go into remission.
The start of this regimen precedes three additional non-orthopedic surgeries planned before the end of the year. Mila's little body is going through a lot.
So, we stand on the promises of the One who created Kamila Naomi's body from the very beginning. Who was with her as her joints were coming together in her first mother's womb, in the long hours she spent alone when she should have been learning to crawl, in the crowded room of metal cots when she was learning to walk. I know our Lord was with her holding her teeny tiny hands and guiding her through the green painted hallways that I walked through so many years later to make her mine. We lean on Him as the Great Physician, Comforter and Healer that He has promised to be.
Of course, we appreciate your prayer coverage and intercession. We expect to be on this road for some time; a road I am thankful that Mila does not need to walk alone. <3
