Final Weekend of Summer (Going to the Fair)

It's the final weekend before school starts. It's been a GOOD summer. Lots of road trip adventures, hikes, beaches, pool time, airplane rides and friends. My decreased work schedule this year has given us lots of opportunities to just be at home too---it's been good.

We spent our last weekday at the Washington State Fair with Isaac's auntie & cousins. He loves even the mention of them so spending an entire day together fed his heart deeply. 

My adventure seeking son is a roller coaster boy. His mother is not...but she'll do just about anything to see her boy smile...so:

I had a headache for 14 hours afterwards, but he'll never know. He got to sit in the front of the kiddy roller coaster and raise his hands and hoot & holler with his mom at the Fair. That's a pretty solid memory to have for a little boy. 

My must-do this year was an exhibit on the history Camp Harmony--the Japanese Internment Camp that had been on the site of very fairgrounds we were walking around. Sadly, I personally know people that were interned here when it happened. This ugly piece of US history happened just 3 miles from my house--the house that I am raising my immigrant Asian son. Those last four words deeply impacted how I took in his exhibit:

 A replica of one of the barracks---a barely converted horse stall:

Isaac participating in the exhibit--making his own straw pillow then taking it to lay on a straw bed in one of the barracks.  He said it the bed was 'owie'. It sure was buddy. It sure was. 

Riding the gondola:

  Fair food!

The Fair was a good way to end our summer. The rest of this weekend will be lunch boxes and back packs and freezer meals and going to be early for Monday morning comes quickly...

A Path in the Battlefield

Getting to share a bit over at Village21:

I knew this was going to be a summer of transitions:  First last day of school. First return back to daycare/montessori. Second last day of daycare/montessori. Second first day of school. First days in a brand new school with new friends, new teachers, new expectations. I admit I’ve wandered about this summer on tiptoes not know how my little boy would respond to all these transitions in such a small amount of time. But he has tackled this summer like a boss!  The perfect timing of a beautiful emotional growth spurt, some new tools in my parenting toolbox and a decreased work schedule for me. It has been a really good summer. He even went to school jumpstart without me for 3 & ½ days and did GREAT!  Such strides. I’m so proud.  We’ve kept the ground we fought so hard to win over the school year...kind of:

Since school jump start, he’s needed to fall asleep where he can see me every night. We’ve had no issues during the day, in fact our days have been stellar. But nighttime has always been a different story. He is peaceful and well positioned on the couch right where he can see me working in the dining room or kitchen should his eyes should crack open. In between his breathy snore I can imagine what his little heart must be strategizing: “Find the momma. Make sure you know where she is at. When she leaves during the day, she says she will always come back...but what if…? Keep her close by, just in case.”  Three giant steps forward this summer. A half step back.  Even after 5 years, there is attachment ground we are still fighting for. An active battlefield for his heart.  A well positioned battalion of trauma that just. won’t. release. it’s grip.

Some battlefields of the heart are bigger, longer, deeper entrenched. Some of our kiddos have experienced and felt more than any human heart should ever know.  It’s the depths of those hurts that we lay at the feet of the cross--Jesus take these unimaginable wounds; by the tortuous stripes you bare on your back we believe you can heal these pains (Is 53:5).  I wonder as Jesus crippled under the weight of every undeserved lash against His sinless body, if He foreknew the unbearable pain our children would experience; desperate to be the bearer of that insufferable hurt so they wouldn’t have to...not for long, sweet heart; just give it to Me. The sin is deep in this world. You were not meant to carry it. I’ll bear it for you. I love you so deeply. I’ll take it away.

The truth is the same for adoptive parents, isn’t it? I find myself defaulting to carrying my little one’s burdens for him, when it is not I who should bare them either...at least not permanently. He is young. His heart does not yet know how to shelter under the wings of the Heavenly Father his heart cannot see. So through his actions he turns to me: Will you take the fear, momma?  Yes, sweet boy---watch me carry it to Jesus. Watch me carry it over and over and over again until your heart learns to trust the well worn path to our Savior. Trusting that path and the Person on the other side is my truest goal for you, little one.

I suppose that is how we win our battleground from the enemy, from the trauma that has entrenched in the hearts of our children or the parental guilt that is trying to seed in ours: through the well worn path to Jesus in the midst of the battlefield. Over and over and over again, dodging arrows, setbacks, sleepless nights, bloodied hearts and self doubt; we trudge forward to the Cross, each step modeling to our children: I will fight for you, because He fought for us!

Mountain "Climbing"

Since early Spring I've been focusing on building Isaac's strength & endurance. Little bodies with noodle for muscles tire quickly--and momma's upper body strength tends to tire about 20 min after picking up my precious pack of human ramen. So hiking and exploring outdoors has been our training grounds.  We started out with a short 1/2 mile and we've worked our way up to 2 flat miles before he starts to peter out. But we are always exploring and having fun in the woods so it is easy to distract!  

Today was a HUGE milestone--hiking a bit around Mt. Rainier. He hiked both up and down two pretty steep inclines to get to a few waterfalls in the area. I was so very proud of him! Holding his hand down the rocky steps was a bit like holding a marionette--his hips and legs flailing underneath me holding his hand above him--but he it!  And you could see the self pride beam when we made it back to the top--his little heart racing in his chest.  I'm proud of his adventurous spirit, of his building confidence, and of his enduring strength.  He CAN do what he puts his mind and body to!

Top of Narada Falls

Making his way down:

 Bottom of Narada Falls:

Taking a hand picture :)

Making his way back up!

Hiking the alpine ridge at Paradise:

 Myrtle Falls:

  We did it!!

Isaac's Perspective/ My Perspective

Isaac had his Playskool camera with him today during our road trip to the mountain today. I love looking through his pictures--seeing the world through his eyes, what he finds important or fun. Today was a good example--I thought he was taking a picture of me while driving but he clearly was not pointing his camera at my face. "What are you taking a picture of Isaac?"  "da pone (the phone), mama" which was in it's place on the dashboard.  Ahhhh!  That would make sense!  *wink*

He was equally excited to get his hands on 'da pone' while we were on the gondola:

At one point I think we were at at 60 degree angle going up!
I couldn't look coming down. 

"momma. day teeese"
(momma, say cheese)

Isaac takes pictures because he sees me take pictures. I enjoy it yes, but I also make it a priority...especially pictures of he and I or he and his loved ones. I heard a photographer friend of mine say once long before I knew I would be a mother, that "no one ever complained about having too many pictures with their mom." That is totally true!  I can't think of dozen pictures of me with my mom growing up, yet she was clearly there. My friend went on to say "women tend to say they are waiting until they loose those last 10 pounds or when the dye their roots and certainly never when they are in their swimsuit, but 10 pounds, grey hairs and self-conscience swimmers aren't what kids remember--they remember their mom."  I took those words to heart.  My child was going to have pictures of me and with me, no matter what the situation in life. So...we take pictures!

What makes me particularly proud is our annual video montage of our photos together through our family year. Not every picture is in there (I'll take the self conscience pictures, but good heavens, I know better than to post them!), but just look---nearly 75 pictures of he and I together since last August!  That's more than one a week!  Also, the breadth of experiences we've had over the year!  I love gathering these pictures every August and seeing how much we are able to do--him, yes, but also me as a parent. I think it's ok for mommas to pat themselves on the back from time to time!  Parenting is hard work! What I see in these photos of he and I together is that we aren't held captive by single parenting or down syndrome or adoption trauma or checkbooks or weather or whatever else can be in the way.  We have to make adjustments, yes, but we are living life, even when it's hard: we keep going; we try new things; we go on adventures; we get dirty...and we clean up pretty darn well, if I may say so!

So take pictures!  Even if its out of focus, or the pants are a bit snug or the hair is WAY past it's due date.  Your kiddo will have a physical memory of you being there and as an intimate part of their life <3  

Happy Family Day! FIVE Years Together As A Family!!

Five years. This feels like a REALLY BIG adoption milestone. In fact it is...with the passing of today's date, no more updates go back to China. We "passed" our final assessment two weeks ago; Isaac's adoption is finally DONE. 2, 273 days since this process started...way back in May 2011...IT. IS. FINISHED. 

I've wondered what I would tell my-2,273-days-ago-self about the six plus years that would be in front of her. That self got a heck of a lot more sleep, I can tell you that!  Some relationships have fallen away, but we have gained some amazing, deep & beautiful relationships with adoption families across the United States.  The valleys have been deep and long and lonely...but the mountain tops have been glorious and unbelievably joyous!  I've learned a lot about God's heart for us and the joy He has in us through our obedience.  There is zero way that 2011-me would have guessed that doors of down syndrome adoption would open into China and now Albania because of that simple obedience. She wouldn't have even fathomed about the Bamboo Project, Village 21 or authoring a book. All because of a YES to this little boy...

The Lord asks so very little of us, and does SO very much with it <3 

Today we celebrated our fifth family day with a day trip to Crystal Mountain. I had never been and had heard there was an amazing gondola ride to the top that we may both enjoy.  God held back the storms for us to enjoy a lovely afternoon at 6,872 feet in the air!

The gondola had just started moving!

Isaac you are a promise of God's faithfulness joyfully fulfilled--I can't even describe what it means to have been chosen to parent you to the Lord. You force me to my knees and melt my heart at the same time. Happy 5th Family Day, little boy. You are SO. VERY. LOVED.

(click below to see our 5th Family Day video)

5th Family Day video!