We've made it through our first full day together. The emotional pendulum is all over the place, but we expected that. Grief is an unpredictable force and I've prepared my heart (and Isaac's as much as possible) for the path ahead of us in the coming days, weeks and even years. Adoption is wonderful Gotchya Day pictures and beautiful redemption stories...but it is coated with loss, pain, grief and tears. Mila is old enough to enjoy the beauty of having a new mommy and family, but she is also aware of the separation from those who have loved her so very well. Her tears were deep and real as we left her favorite Sisters, but she let me comfort her which is a huge. We were able to distract her through a big dinner with friends, but the tears returned as the reality of now living with her new family came to be. There are times when nothing can be done except walking along side a loved one as they grieve...
The morning welcomed it's own trauma during her blood draw and immunization appointment. For two hours she fought but she snuggled into me when it was done. Mommy is here. It's all done. Mommy is here. If she (and the people at the clinic) only knew how brave she really is. So much as been asked of her and she never gave permission to this painful journey she is now on.
The afternoon was redeemed with a new play dough set she picked out herself and shared with her brother. Quiet playing became creative then music was added, then the smiles started showing again. The evening was ended with a fit of giggles as she looked at photos from her new camera--hers alone to document anything she wants, all by herself. (She has a pretty good eye!!)
We'll walk slowly on this path of grief, aware that any rock, crevice and turn will become it's own battle, but we walk confidently in God's grace that is given for today. We'll claim every victory no matter how small and point back to the Lord of All that has offered Himself whole to walk this road with us.
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