52 Weeks of Family: Week 15

Mila:

Neurological Reorganization is a common intervention strategy for kiddos who have traumatic pasts. Through physical and play therapy children go back and master the developmental & emotional milestones that they have missed when they were simply in survival mode. Who cares if you never play peek-a-boo, if your only goal is fundamental food and shelter.  Thankfully, you were always surrounded by women who kept you safe and loved you...but you were still in an orphanage and moved to an adult institution for developmentally & intellectually delayed adults at the age of four.  Plus, all the early interventions that kiddos with DS need, you never had access to.  All of that to say, you naturally started the neuro reorg process on your own a few weeks after coming home. It actually caught me by surprise...peek-a-boo with the shower curtain when I would help you out of the shower in the morning.  Oh the giggles!  The laughs and shrieks when you didn't know what side of the curtain my face would show up on and the look of utter joy as you finally found my face as I helped dry your adolescent body off.  This lasted weeks and then you let it transition into...crawling. Crawling to get my attention and laughing as I play chase you into the kitchen or family room. Your brain is filling in the Swiss cheese holes of emotional attachment you never had with a mother.  Trying to explain this to outsiders is difficult--why I help put on your shoes or brush your teeth or even wash your face after a meal (of course you can do these things on your own--you've been doing it for years, but not because you could, it was because you HAD to), but each of those tasks that I can introduce myself into forces the face to face engagement that you should have had at 1 and 3 and 6 when you were forced to do those skills on your own.  I was excited to share this with our Social Worker who visited this week!

I've started a new strategy of helping you interact with your little brother...overwhelming and ridiculous amounts of praise and positive reinforcement! You absolutely soak it up and seem eager to see me to crazy-bananas when you emotionally engage your own personal Asian shadow.  I feel a bit like I'm manipulating you, but I suppose that is the undertone of parenting, isn't it?  It's working though! You said 'thank you' to Isaac several times this week and even sat with him to play or share the Kindle. Slowly but surely, we'll help you open your heart to this little family of yours. 

  

In other news, you've had a major milestone.  Three times this week you left your bedroom in the morning on your own!  I know that sounds like something silly to celebrate, but you have spent your whole life locked into a dark room at night and allowed to come out only when someone unlocks the door.  If you got sick or scared or needed the bathroom or couldn't sleep you couldn't leave.  You were safe and warm and tucked in...but also locked in.  It didn't take long for me to figure this out so I left your door open, put a light on in the bathroom across from your room. I'd lovingly call for you from my room in the mornings...but always you would wait until I escorted you out.  Fifteen weeks later you ventured out on your own in the morning. First, it was turning on your light and rushing back into bed to giggle and call ME, clapping your hands wildly.  The next morning you crossed the threshold all on your own...and ran through the house giggle-shrieking like you were streaking at a football game!  You did it!! (thankfully, with your clothes on!). You feel safe enough to leave YOUR room and walk about YOUR house when YOU are done sleeping. This is a big deal. <3

Isaac:

You had a rough week this week and I'm not entirely sure why. I want to believe it's not because I'm trying to get you to sleep bed in your own bed instead of mine. (Pleeeease tell me it's not that).  You didn't start co-sleeping until you started school. Your little heart has always struggled with separation anxiety and I think you just decided "Fine. I'll go to school and I may even like it, but if you leave me for 8 hours then I'm glued to you for 8 hours a night. Fair trade." Except it's not reeaaallly a fair trade, cuz you sleep like a ninja and more often than I want to admit you put your tiny freezing toes DOWN my pajamas bottoms. DUDE, we have GOT to some boundaries! We'll keep working on it. I jokingly tell my friends that as long as you are sleeping in your own bed before prom, then it's a win...but I'm secretly hoping for second grade. 

Also...you are the king of Nacho Night!

Me:

I'm finding a groove with school drop offs and work. And actually look forward to the commute to work so I can flip on an audiobook.  I was an avid reader prior to parenting and that wasn't something I was willing to give up...adjust but not give up. My personal goal has been at least 12 books a year--in any genre, fashion or length, just keep reading/listening. In the seasons that we spent a lot of time in the hospital I counted the stack of discharge paperwork as a book and just barely made my 12 book min that year!  Most years I'm in the high teens and twenties, but I missed my goal in 2018 while we were in Albania. I hope to make up for it this year! There are a stack of hard books in the front room and a list queued on the phone all ready to go!