52 Weeks of Family: Week 50

Mila:

Over the course of the last 50 weeks you and I have been working through several different behavior and character 'items of interest' *wink*  It's a real bummer to have to address these now, at your age, with so much change in your life but no one walked you through these issues when you were younger and I knew if we didn't tackle these right away life was going to get real hard for both of us.  It hasn't been easy, has it?  Some days...weeks...months!...have been really, REALLY hard for both of us. But honey, through God's grace alone, I've been committed to walking this through with you holding onto the tiniest measure of hope that we'd see light on the other side of it all.   Have we won the war? No, but we had some pretty solid victories this week!  FOUR TIMES this week there was an opportunity to respond to a request in a way that has always worked for you. FOUR TIMES I looked you straight in the eyes, asked you to trust me and to respond differently. While the wheels in your heart & mind were spinning, I prepared for the worst (which has been violent reactions on your part in the past)...and FOUR TIMES you took my hand and let me lead you into a different response! Oh honey...I can't tell you what incredible victories these were!! I gave you hugs, kisses, high fives and victory dances!  You did it!  You made the right choice!  You denied what you've always known to lean into a relationship that you have learned to trust, even if you don't understand.  This is ground well fought for in your heart!  I can't tell you how much hope this builds in my heart <3

In another massive victory for the week...you went into the kitchen and MADE SOUP. As in helped me dice, saute, mix, stir, boil and serve an actual meal!  WHO IS THIS CHILD?  It took you four months to even cross the threshold into the kitchen. And another several months after that before you would enter the kitchen and stand next to me while I was cooking or baking. I keep offering to have you help but up until a few weeks ago you have wanted NOTHING to do with making a meal. I had even told friends & family "she is going to need a skill, cuz Isaac is going to be making all their meals".  So this weekend, I offered again, not even waiting for your response before I started gathering what I needed,  "Mila, do you want to help me make some soup?" "Sure!"  (Wait, what?!)

Isaac took a photo to commemorate the glorious event and we declared your Vegan White Bean & Rosemary Soup DELICIOUS!

Isaac:

Since you started school I've been conscience of your school friends and if they've been aware of your specialness. I quietly ask your teachers and they've all quietly shook their heads "he is just one of the group. it's all good", but this year your friends have started to notice the differences so it was time to come to the class for a little chat about Down syndrome.  I read a book called "47 Strings" and we talked about how some of our friends with 47 strings/chromosomes do things a little bit slower and need a little more help, but they still can do everything your friends can do. Then Tony raised his hand...

"Um, I think my gramma might have Down syndrome"

*swallowing my laughter*  Or really??  Is she a little bit slower and need a little more help than you do?

"Yes! She MUST have Down syndrome!" 

So I'm not entirely sure we accomplished all I hoped to at the beginning of your class, but Tony's gramma may have some explaining to do!

Also...you fell asleep like this:

Auntie Ange & I had *just* been chatting about not knowing when the Last Time would be...the Last Time we would calm you or your cousins during a nightmare; the Last Time one of you would automatically give a kiss goodbye; the Last Time our baby boys would snuggle with their moms, but then you crawled up into my lap to watch a show just like you would when you were little and I melted. You are nearly 9 years old and the Last Times are going to stack up soon, I know that, but this wasn't one of them yet. My lap is your home and I don't care if you are 60 or 80 or 100 pounds I don't ever want there to be a Last Time of you finding your place for a snuggle.  *sniff sniff*

Me:

I've been reflecting a lot as we are nearing Mila's one year anniversary. I'm rereading all our weekly blog posts and flipping through pictures from our two trips (that still aren't sorted) trying to make heads or tails of the roller coaster that has been Mila's adoption. I remember the first week of visiting her at the orphanage was HARD. Next level hard. After our daily visits, walking the mile back to our air condition-less Albanian apartment crying every day, not knowing how in the world we were going to make it together. I had chosen this path out of obedience, but she had no say in her future and had only just been told of the adoption the week before. Her world was absolutely upside down and she was acting out like anyone would under that kind of stress; I understood it, but it was still ugly.  Because I my eyeballs couldn't see it and my brain new it was true I would repeat over and over again "This isn't the child I'll see a year from now. This isn't the child I'll see a year from now."  And nearly one year later, this is so very true. She has grown, matured, softened and learned to trust. And I've been humbled, refined, sifted and learned to trust.  I have said repeatedly over the years "if you want to have the Gospel absolutely explode into your life, walk the adoption road with an open heart."  Of this truth I still stand confidently in. I am now willing to offer this: "if you want to know the extent of your own sin and need for personal redemption in Christ...adopt/foster a teenager!"  Wow. There is no more effective way to have a spiritual mirror thrown in front of your face.  But the understanding of God's grace and glory is all the more vibrant through it all. Really hard? Yes.  Absolutely worth it? Definite Yes.