Summer Road Trip 2020

Last summer, I got the harebrained idea to take my goofballs on a 5 day road trip to Idaho and back, you know for kicks & giggles and it was kind successful.  It was a lot of work, but we had fun; we made memories and it planted a seed in my noggin that maybe old school summer road trips may actually work for us.  We weren't home long last summer before I started planning what 2020 (and even 2021!) could look like.  COVID had me on pins and needles not knowing if we would actually be able to do it this year, but we did!  We added two extra days and Gramma was a last minute addition we powered through 7 days,  several national wonders, visits with long time friends, and lots of ice cream.  Summer Road Trip 2020 is on the books and marked as another success.  

DAY 1: Tacoma, WA to Portland, OR to Crater Lake
 Car packed. Tank full. Cooler iced. Backpacks filled with travel surprises. Here we go!

My dear college friend, Risa, met us in Portland for lunch and an ice cream stop. I treasure this nearly 25 year friendship and love that my kids know exactly who Ms Risa is. 

Today was an unexpectedly long day (guess who forgot to factor in stops in the total travel time for the day...oops), but we made it to our cabin outside of Crater Lake National Park about 45 min after Isaac declared: "I. Want. Car. In. Lake. Now. Please!"  Someone was reading the visual schedule on the roof of the van VERY literally. 🤣

DAY 2: Crater Lake, OR to Crescent City, CA

Photos will never capture just how breathtaking this natural wonder truly is...

This goofball got to throw snowballs while it was 90 degrees outside!

I also was nine years old when my family took a road trip to Crater Lake and somewhere there is a photo of me sitting on this very rock wall in front of Wizard Island...also not looking too excited about being asked to smile on command on a hot day 😜

Road-tripping at it's finest...

DAY 3: Redwood National Park

 In an effort to somehow capture just how gigantic these trees are, I laid on the ground and asked Isaac to stand in front of a tree...he had other plans on what photo needed to be captured!  Goofball.

We found a way to get 750 feet above sea level among these great giants. Again, the kids surprised me with how much they enjoyed this adventure. Gramma & I weren't taking our eyes off the tram floor, but the kids said it was a great ride up!

  This will be the take away quote of our trip...Gramma took a turn to push Isaac's stroller through the Redwood FOREST to which Mila yelled out "Gramma!  Watch out for the tree!"  🤣🤣

Exploring the California coast line around Battery Point Lighthouse:

I love that he is so comfortable to safely explore. 

DAY 4: Crescent City, CA to Florence, OR

This entire section of the Oregon Coast is new to me and it did not disappoint---beautiful!

SO many sticks to play with! This boy was in his element!

If anyone is in the South Coast and wants this view while eating some STELLAR fish & chips...The Crazy Norwegian in Port Orford is where you need to be!

DAY 5: Florence, OR to Seaside, OR

The kids truly are great travelers. My rule was only one movie per day and only after we'd been in the car more than three hours. Look out the window! Count cows. Tell stories. Listen to music. Play with toys. There were no screens for the Children of Israel walking through the Egyptian desert or on the Oregon Trail, I'm pretty darn sure you can make it 3 hours.    Most days we 'compromised' by listening to the Broadway production soundtrack of FROZEN for 2.75 hours at a time.  Well played children, well played. 

A stop at the Sea Lion caves.  I wasn't sure Mila was going to be up for this, but turns out she is quite the seal lion aficionado!  She already had a name and back story for a seal we 'met' at the marine hospital in CA and she was thrilled to see where LUCY lived (in a cave via a conveniently placed elevator 200 feet below a gift shop) AND that Lucy's friends MEGAN and STEVE were also present for our arrival.  ?!?!   I honestly didn't know I should have brought hostess gifts...

Isaac really just needed to hug a sea lion and he was good...

Devil's Punch Bowl completely empty!  I've never seen it like this before. 

Lincoln City, Oregon. This is the beach I grew up at.  LOTS of sandy hot dogs and s'mores were consumed on the banks of the little D river in the early 80s. 

We could not have asked for better weather!

DAY 6: Seaside

 Major wins in the swimming pool--Mila has figured out coordinating the breast stroke with kicking and how to even throw in some bubble blowing at the same time. Not too shabby for a kiddo who had never been in a pool prior to 18 months ago. I suspect she'll be out of her swim vest 'soon'.  And Isaac swam independently approx 10 yards without dying!  He has all the major skills down except the not dying part due to low core strength. But we shed the swim vest for a few moments and he got so excited that he was actually swimming that he got the giggles AND all the water in his mouth but he spit and sputtered all the way to the wall to a chorus of cheers!! (He proceeded to sit on the side of the pool for the next 10 minutes and refuse to get back in. You could see it in his eyes..."I just defeated death, MOM. I'm not tempting the fates again; I'm not stupid!")

Our one gray day, but no rain so hallelujah! Mila got to use her brand new FROZEN beach toys and Isaac chased ALL the birds.  

Some long time friends from church moved to the North Coast 2 years ago and it was a pleasure to meet up with them and their beautiful children.  Sadly, the camera stayed tucked away so we could enjoy the conversation and delicious crepes by the sea.  

SeaStar Gelato.  We live for SeaStar Gelato and on more than one occasion I've threatened to drive the 3 hours to Seaside just for a scoop of SeaStar Gelato.  Twice in three days we came here.  TOTALLY worth any damage it added to the quarantine-15.  

DAY 7: Seaside to home 💖

We snuck in a trip to the pool and aquarium before heading out. 

I honestly did NOT think Mila would have anything to do with holding dead fish and feeding it to live animals in front of her, but turns out she recognized LUCY, who apparently commutes to Seaside for, you know...work at the aquarium!  Who knew?!

She kept yelling "Lucy! Lucy!  I see you!"  

So much fun to bookend our trip with my friend Risa. She randomly had scheduled the same weekend in Seaside as we did. 

We finished up our 7 day adventure through the Washington half of Hwy 101 that I've never seen...again, beautiful! Ocean, marshland, mountains and trees. I am so thankful to live in such a beautiful part of the country. 

Official Summer Road Trip stats: 7 days, 3 states, 1184 miles, 28 hours & 23 minutes of drive time.  Only had to coast down one mountain in neutral when we nearly ran out of gas in the middle of nowhere but no one was accidentally or intentionally left on the side of the road at any time = road trip success. 

All the pictures make it look delightful if not easy, but the reality is traveling with two kiddos and their extra chromosomes is not easy. What my mom captured in the photo below speaks volumes:  Isaac had decided he was DONE walking, but we still needed to make it back to the hotel and because I'm sporting a torn tendon in my right arm, the only option was carrying his 65 pounds on my shoulders.  Mila was having a rough day and was, at the moment of this picture, between meltdowns.  She had consented to holding my hand while I talked quietly with her about what was happening next while balancing her brother on my neck. My singular goal was just getting them back to the hotel room as quickly as possible. While neither of them particularly need routine, they do need structure and that is often hard to define if not provide while on a week long road trip of heat, hotels and unfamiliar food.   Rationally, there would be every reason to say "Nope. Not doing this again. Not worth the headache"...or in this case, back spasms.  And I have seriously asked myself if I am pushing us, them, me too far. Is this life I've chosen for us too big?  I've decided...no, it's definitely worth it.  Yes, it's hard, so are a lot of things, but we are doing it: traveling, exploring, expanding our horizons, learning how to be flexible when things feel overwhelming, and ultimately when Jesus asks us to do things, its rarely convenient, comfortable or fits our picture of an ideal experience.  This is excellent practice for the very things God has asked us to do; being a single momma or having extra chromosomes aren't going to limit us from taking road trips or fulfilling Christ's call in our lives (I'm pretty sure Mila is feeling a call to minister to sea lions...you know, for Jesus *wink*). So here is to Summer Road Trip 2021...I am already working out the details. 

COVID Homeschooling 2020

We did it!  We survived the madness of COVID Homeschooling 2020! With less than 24 hours notice and little to no resources available from the school district for nearly eight weeks...we somehow made it through three months.  And *maybe* even gained a little through it all. Maybe. *wink*

While our school district was scrambling to meet the overwhelming food & safety needs of a vast majority of students in the area (apparently, an unknown need prior to the shut down), then attempting to graduate the seniors and somehow get some reasonable learning material to the rest of the general education students, the students with special needs and their families were left scrounging. Of the 15 people who help my two children with education and therapies during the school week, all of them were left helpless by the district..."do your best and let us know how we can help you"   Um. thanks???   When we FINALLY received appropriate education packets on week EIGHT, I literally cried...relief, joy, anger, fatigue, thanks...you name it.  It was felt. 

Through it all though, the kids have been absolute troopers!  Mila was able to verbalize pretty quickly: 'no school long time. people sick. all better, go back school. see friends. see teachers. super excited!'.  Yup.  That's the plan!  I honestly don't think Isaac even realized that school was missing for the first 6 weeks as he was SO excited to be exclusively with his momma & sister ALL DAY EVERY DAY.  (Seriously his love language!). Then one day, he paused in the middle of something and asked "where school?!"  Like, oh, hey, weren't we supposed to be going there?!  Uh, yeah...they are up to speed on the situation. No worries dude. 

They were both in charge of daily reading, writing & math, and a new fun game called CHORES. (Turns Mila can do the laundry start to finish, including folding. And Isaac can make the beds really well AND take care of all the garbages!?! I clearly have been short changing myself in the mothering department). Then the mean teacher/mom/principal also required weekly letter writing and meal prep/cooking in the kitchen.  This evolved into our #cakesofcovid adventure that multiple neighbors thoroughly enjoyed as well *wink*

I think what I am most proud of though is our daily 'chapel', if you will. We adapted a 52 week Bible study into a daily family devotion time and finished it just this week.  I loved seeing the kids race to get the Psalty Bible off the shelf, learn how to find a book, chapter and verse, and become eager to pray together and for each other every evening.  Just yesterday, and for the FIRST time ever, Mila initiated praying at dinner. It was beyond precious. That feels like a solid COVID lock-down win. 

A glimpse of all the crazy things we did this homeschooling season. Including the 74 field trips to the beach to run off ALL the energy and let momma breathe in the sea air.

Here is to the 2020-2021 school year...whatever that may look like  😏

Two Years Later: Learning to Hug

It was two years ago this week that my spit-fire of a daughter bounced down the stairs of the baby orphanage, looked me once over and declare "Hi Mommy, I'm ready to go to America now!". 

We would spend the next 2 weeks spending a few hours together each day for our 'mandatory bonding time' while we awaited a psychologist's assessment of our "compatibility". Those two weeks were by NO means a walk in the park.  Mila had just been told three days prior to our arrival that a  mysterious mother & brother were appearing out of nowhere to take her away from all that she knew. She was moved two hours south from the "home" (government institution), friends and caregivers she had known for the previous seven years and now she was left to roam free through the baby orphanage with nothing to do except wait for our two hour awkward bonding time each day, then I would leave to go to her new brother for the other 22 hours. It was A LOT for her little heart to take in and understandably she did not have the vocabulary to assign to all that she was feeling.  That led to episodes of acting out and physically harming others that frankly scared me.  One of the first Albanian phrases I had to learn on the fly was "Gentle please!"

As her heart softened so did her touch; the intentional bruises around us faded but we were left with the unfortunate combination of: being built like Simone Biles (100 lbs of SOLID muscle!), not knowing her own strength (common with Down syndrome), no experience with safe & consistent maternal-child touch, and cultural Albanian affection which is akin to WWF!  My body learned quickly to tense as my new daughter approached me otherwise I would be knocked to the ground or smacked in the back or roughhoused into a "cuddle".  Sadly, over the last two years, I realized that my heart had learned to tense as well. My body would go rigid, I'd squeak out a quasi- Albanian-English version of "Mila, gentle touching please! You don't need to hurt Momma to get my attention. Soft touches are good." and ultimately my heart would wince to see her come toward me.  Two years of 'traumatic affection' starts to take a toll. Of course, I would make sure to initiate hugs, and snuggles and caresses; to both demonstrate gentleness and hopefully to heal her starved heart, but she has clearly not been able to reciprocate safely; she just hasn't had the emotional or physical skills. 

But then last week...she hugged me. 

It was out of no where, in the middle of the hallway, and for no particular reason. She walked calmly towards me with her arms open, eyes asking for permission and gently wrapped her arms around me. It was a real live hug.  One that connected us and fed us BOTH.  (I started to tear up but I didn't want her to think she had hurt me again!)  "That is a beautiful hug, Mila. That makes me feel good. Thank you honey!"  "U welcome mommy"...and then she walked away.   And then it happened again the next day...and the next...and then a gentle hug was given to Gramma...AND HER BROTHER!  Isaac literally looked to me in a panic, 'what do I do mom?!'  Take it as long as she'll give it, dude-just act natural!   

That is healing.  The long, arduous task of opening up a wound, digging out the hurt, and washing it with God's grace upon it day after day after day after day...after day.   Are we over the hump yet? No, we are far from it.  Studies show it takes one year of family healing to 'reverse' one year of institutional care.  If that is indeed the case, Mila will be nearly 28 years old before we even emerge at emotional sea level.  Is it overwhelming? YES.  Is God bigger than 14 years of institutional care? YES YES YES.  Is she worthy of anything I can give on this earth to see her heart heal into the Lord's love? One million times YES. 

So we celebrate a gentle hug. We give praise to the God to created us both and gave us to each other as forever family, then rest in the mercies that are new each and every day.  That is adolescent adoption. Our hope IS in Him.  

Birth Mother's Day 2020

Our annual tradition of honoring my children's birth moms by bringing flowers to the local Chinese pagoda has continued, but also grown to include an as-Albanian-as-we-can-get picnic. Isaac knows this is a special spot and races to put his flowers down. Mila is learning that we pray for people she doesn't know..."We are praying for your first mom, Mila".  "Mom! (absolutely exasperated)  You mom first!"   "Well, yes...but Momma has blue eyes and there is a pretty lady who has brown eyes just like you and we are going to thank Jesus for her today"   "Oh" , and she dug into her souvlaki.   Just like with a lot of heavy knowledge, we'll dose it out piece by piece and let her heart process.  A beautiful day on the waterfront isn't a bad way to spend the time. 

Let's honor your first moms, I said. Let's take a nice picture, I said.... these are MY goofballs!

 They are plotting something, of this I am confident!

To Mila's first mom, 

 I think you would be proud of her strength & fortitude! She is so very brave.  For all the grey hairs it is giving me, I know it is an important part of who she is and it has ultimately kept her alive. That strength mirrors the part that I know of your story.  We are walking a weird line between building infantile trust and adolescent independence at the same time.  But she is learning that when I look her in the eyes and ask her to trust me, she will lean in. She has a stellar ear for music and would gladly blast music in her room for hours on end, especially worship.  She also has a beautifully social heart--she loves to be with people and to engage them (you can image this global shutdown has been hard for her).  Her eyes are the color of caramel coffee and her hair is thick with an auburn highlight, like both her of her mothers (one of the things that I know about you and something I am secretly proud of in that she looks like me).  She doesn't fully understand that there is you and there is me but we pray for you, your safety and your heart.  I want desperately to stand along side you in Heaven as a completed family...Jesus and His daughters together. 

To Isaac's first mom, 

I don't know your story so my heart has the freedom to paint the picture of who you are wider than with Isaac's big sister.  I have always blamed his competing cowlicks and funky toenails on his father, but his deep compassion and also his sassy-ness I think both come from your side.  He has finally learned how to play and invent and imagine and it brings me great joy to see his mind at work.  I want him to be both thoughtful and fearless, which right now it him carefully crafting an obstacle course across the top of the dining room table and back of the couch *wowzers* He makes me proud, even on the days I threaten to BBQ him for dinner. *wink*   He loves Jesus and has such a special ministry at school just by being himself. When we are all together again as a family in Heaven, I know he is going to squish the noodles out of both of us--group hugs are his favorite.  

To the women who made me a mother...they are safe; you are loved. <3