One Small Step...

He's been assessing this particular situation for months. Even stood on the bench and pondered the possibilities. But today...TODAY he conquered the great chasm. The treacherous valley between the toy bench and the couch. And it was oh so much more than one small step. In this house, we take pride in every victory! 

 

Chinese New Year's Resolution

(This is our February post over at No Hands But Ours!)

 

I don't know that I understood the full ramifications the day I marked the CHINA box on our adoption paperwork. I understood that I would be bringing a piece of China home with me (he was so soft and cute!), but I didn't realize that I would also be sending a piece of myself there. The sending has been a process. I admit, initially my heart was to just get my baby out of the place that hurt him; from a culture that abandons babies and hurts women and hates children with special needs (wild & generalized emotional extremes). Even while in China itself, I was too hot and sticky and jet lagged to think past rescuing my child from this place. Great Wall? Cool. Lots of rocks in a row. Where is my baby?! A gazillion years of cultural history at the Forbidden Palace? Awesome. I'll catch the next episode on the Nat Geo channel. Where is my son's passport?!  Although, I think I gave the best I had at the time, I'm sad that I wasn't able to see past my cultural & sensory overwhelmed-ness to feel God's heart for China.  Somewhere in time, as cultures and countries and ethnic groups were being birthed our Loving God put within my son's people an ingenious mind: inventors, artists, and philosophers have flourished here. A people with patience and work ethic (ahem, The Great Wall). And as I'm learning now, a people whose quiet & thoughtful personalities have been misunderstood and at times been wildly taken advantage of for thousands of years. God's heart melts for China. Mine should too.

Great Wall of China
August 2012

My Asian- American household has just entered into the Chinese New Year, the year of the sheep (or goat or ram depending on the translation). I still don't fully understand the Chinese significance of it all, but I do know that my Lord is the great Shepherd (for sheeps, goats, rams and me). It seems appropriate to seek God's plan for me and China together. As we act as a community of advocates for more children to be in safe homes, I know more can be done. How do I love China through it all?? I can pray. Praying is what we ALL can do. There is power and no distance in prayer. Imagine if every Chinese forever family got on their knees and interceded for the homeland of our children. Mountains would move. Hearts would melt. Families would be strengthened. As we start this new lunar year, we can declare the Lord over our beloved China. Over the country that has sent a piece of it's heart to us. We can respond with "Lord, until more beautiful pieces of China come home to our family, send MY heart." What a Chinese New Year resolution that is!

Forbidden City, Beijing
August 2012

 

 Here are some specific ideas to get you started:

• Political Leaders in China (Daniel 2:21)
  • President Xi Jinping has been in leadership for several years and has positioned himself as a significant global leader. He has the opportunity to effect significant change within China and through international relations. President Xi be visiting the United States in September. Pray that there is a healthy strengthening of relationship with the United States; that there is open dialogue regarding key economic and human rights issues. Pray for the heart of President Xi to be turned toward the cause of the widow and orphan in his own country.
  • Premier Li Keqiang chairs the State Council which is the chief authority of the Peoples Republic of China. The 50 members of the Council directly oversees the various local governments and in theory balances the interlocking membership of the three branches of Chinese government. What if this Council became passionate about human rights, gender equality and religious freedom??? Pray for leaders like this to be placed into a position within the Communist Government that can make real change.
  • Provincial & local governments are managed by governors and mayors vaguely similar to US system. These leaders manage the laws, economy and freedoms that directly affect our children's' birth families.  Leaders that advocate for public health, education and safety could forever change the culture of child abandonment.  We can pray for this to happen!
• Local Chinese Christians (Phil 1:3-11)
  • Our partners in Christ in spreading the Good News..and without the banner of freedom that we move so easily under in America.  Pray as the Apostle Paul did: for encouragements for their hearts; that their love for each other would overflow more & more, and that they would keep on growing in their knowledge & understanding, living pure & blameless lives, always filled with the fruit of their salvation. Pray for physical protection and provision. Pray for the opportunities to care for the needy children in their communities and that it speaks to their neighbors deeply about the love of Christ. The house churches in Isaac's home Province have 'taken over' the foster care system in that area, loving and caring for their own children publicly. That ministry forever changed MY life, I truly hope it has been a rich testimony to believers and non Christians a like in that part of China.
• Missionaries in China
  • As they minister with the locals:  Lifting up the arms of Moses is a special ministry (Exodus 17:11-12).  Pray for the international missionaries in China as they support their local Brothers & Sisters. That as they move in cultural sensitivity strong relationships would be built with their neighbors and those in authority. That they would have a strong passion for the Chinese people and their culture. That their international status would not harm or hinder the work of Christ in that area, but they would be surrounded by favor and, when appropriate, allow their non-Asian-ness to be used to the advantage of their Chinese Brothers & Sisters and to the Glory of God. 
  • As they minister to the travelers (Col 4:11): We 'stumbled' upon an underground Christian coffee house during our time in Province. I can't tell you what a place of refuge that back alley coffee house was to us! With air conditioning and sandwiches WITH CHEESE, we ate there twice per day for nearly a week. Our physical needs were met while clearly under the Banner of Christ. We could safely inquire about local customs (specifically regarding children with special needs) and speak freely with other Christians. It was deeply refreshing to our emotionally weary souls while we traveled alone in that part of China. I am so very thankful for the Believers there who potentially risk much to offer this refuge to their Brothers & Sisters. And I continue to pray that many more locals & travelers alike 'stumble' upon that blessed establishment.

  

  At the coffee house, August 2012

  
  

• Your Chinese household
  • "As for me and my household, we will serve the Lord" (Joshua 24:15). As our physical family as been knitted together through adoption, our spiritual family too as been enlarged. As I pray for my immediate & extended family members, I pray for our unknown Chinese family: for health & physical safety; for peace and comfort in hearts regarding their 'missing' child; if they already know the Lord, that they would be blessed in their relationship and grow deeply in their spiritual growth, even keeping, us, their American family in their prayers; if they don't know the Lord, that they would be surrounded with those that do and can speak the Lord's loving grace into their lives; that the people who's very DNA created my little boy would come to know the Great God that brought us together; ultimately, that we would be united in Heaven as a completed family loving OUR son together for eternity. This I claim over our Chinese household and hold tightly to in Faith.

 

 

Celebrating Chinese New Year 2015

 



Off to Minnesota!

It was my niece's 7th birthday and a long holiday weekend so we jumped aboard a plane and flew to balmy Minnesota to celebrate!

Look at my big boy and his little backpack boarding the plane by himself!
Strangely enough, on the list of things that he absolutely excels at, flying is one of them.
Go figure.
In fact, he did so well during the flight, I took a nap!
 

Isaac was invited into the cockpit to fly the plane!
There were A LOT of buttons and knobs for my boy to fiddle with...which he proceeded to do.
I begged the captain to quadruple check EVERYTHING before we took off.
Lord only knows to what planet the autopilot had been reset too!

How cute is that??

 

 

One of the things on our To Do list while in Minnesota was to meet up with one of the sweet babies adopted through the Bamboo Project. Little Emi "just happens" to have a big sister in my BFF's 2nd grade classroom (what are the chances?!). Little Emi is home forever with one of the best families ever. (Seriously awesome people!) We have LOVED walking along side them during their adoption journey and am so moved with how God brings His people together on this side of Heaven.

Chinese chromosomes unite!

Then it was time for my sweet niece's family birthday party. What a pleasure it is to watch her grow (& be parented) into the young lady God has created her to be.

The annual cake made & decorated by her mama

Isaac helping with photos.

BFFs!
When her husband was asked if it was OK to go out with his buddies on Valentine's Day without his wife, he very truthfully (and with no bitterness!) said, "It's good, she'll be snuggled up with Des on the couch anyway crying at some movie."
Poor Scott. He knows us so well. :)
And for the record...it wasn't some movie. It was the series finale of Parenthood and "crying" doesn't even begin to describe the gut-wrenching emotional meltdown of that night!
 

 

 

Cousins!

 

Our crazy crew.

We are back home now (in much warmer weather!). Quick trips like these remind me that I am thankful for: life long friendships; cousins that are learning to be in relationship together (gentle touching and soft words are hard when you are 3 and 4 years old); for the miracle of flight; a preschooler that is an incredible flyer; long underwear; adoption families; supportive husbands-in-law; and ordinary everyday conversations IN THE SAME ROOM as my BFF.

A Perfect-ish Day

Today...he climbed up on the counter and put on my lipstick:

Today...he put his lunch dishes in the dishwasher all by himself.

Today...he decided the big boy bed was his:

Today...we went to the movie theater for the first time and he LOVED it! 

His own recliner and popcorn to share, what a day!

Mom...stop messing around and look at the size of that TV on the wall!!

Today...he asked for seconds of salad at dinner (with extra croutons).

Today...he laughed hysterically when I gave him butterfly kisses at bedtime.

Today...was kind of perfect-ish.

First night in the big boy bed.

Adoption Allergies

(This is our January post over at No Hands But Ours!)

"He's been home for over two years. Isn't it time you stop thinking about attachment?"

I stared dumbfounded at the face in front of me that had just uttered those hurtful words. I knew in my heart, they were said both in overly-asserted kindness and in ignorance, but I kinda wanted to scream back "Do you have any stinking clue what you are talking about?! Did you read the books?! Did you take the mandatory classes that seemed ridiculous at the time but make total sense now?! Did your child loose their only mother-figure not once but twice?!  Were you there when the woman who cared for him for 15 months placed him in my arms and left the room...forever?! Were ya? Has the emotional safety of your child ever been on the forefront of your brain every.single.day?!  Huh? Huh???"  I chose not to let any of those things come out of my mouth and opted for, "thank you for your concern, I think we have what we need."  Where the Saturday Night Live Church Lady when you need her?

Some people get it.  They just do. Either through personal experience or seeking Spiritual Wisdom, they simply understand the long process of adoption healing. It's a journey, not a destination. Others...well, others, just don't. I walked away from the conversation above racking my brain on how to better frame the picture of our adoption life to those who aren't getting it. Unless you have a personalized Karyn Purvis app on your phone (which should totally be a thing, by the way!), how do you explain the lasting neuro-chemical effects of traumatic birth, abandonment, institutional care, and adoption transition? Multiple threads have been yanked from the tapestry of my tiny little human...there will always be a tiny snag in our quilt.  It doesn't have to define my little boy, but as we grow together as a family, our attachment (not to mention developmental) needs will always be a little piece of who we are. A patch. A scar. A chip in the paint. 

It's almost like...like...my niece's food allergies. (This is seriously what the Lord brought to mind).  My gorgeous niece was diagnosed with significant food allergies before 6 months of age. It was a bit of a shock and provided a learning curve for everyone in the family. The simple foods the rest of us so easily took for granted, were now a serious danger to our little girl, and if we didn't pay attention, she could actually stop breathing. Of course, at the beginning we were in hyper-awareness mode: Was that a safe food? Did we bring extra snacks just for her? Is that restaurant safe? We should talk to the manager. We are going to so-and-so's house...did we tell them what was OK to prepare for dinner? Do you have the extra Epi-pen or do I? At the start, it took effort on everyone's part. And as the learning curve has plateaued and we've taught our sweet girl how to communicate her own needs ("does dat haf miwk o eggs in it? Miwk n eggs make me BERRY sick."), the peripheral scanning for potential dangers has become less formal...but still very present.  The allergies don't define my beautiful niece, but are a real part of who she is.  In order for us to keep her safe and healthy, as a family, we will always need to protect her differently than the other kids.

THAT is what I wanted to be able to explain to the Doesn't Get It Person. Until my little boy doesn't cling to me in a panic after I've been in the bathroom/pantry/garage/can't-see-me-place for too long, I'm going to stay with him as long as he needs me. Until I don't have to offer the mantra "momma always comes back" with every preschool drop off or play date with Gramma, I will hold and carry him as much as he wants. Until he trusts that food and drink will always be there when he needs it, he can share the food on my plate. If he needs to sleep with me three times this week, I'll scooch over to my 6 inches of the queen sized bed. Because right now, even after two years, the unspoken "allergies" will indeed do serious damage. He can't tell me "Momma, I'm scared you'll go away forever" or that hospitals remind him of the cold beds in the orphanage or whatever else is tucked away in his tender heart. Until he learns how to run to the Lord, I'm his go-to comforter...and that is OK. That is the way God designed our family. 

For this is what the Lord says:

"I will extend peace to her like a river, and the wealth of nations like a flooding stream, you will nurse and be carried on her arm and dandled on her knees. As a mother comforts her child, so I will comfort you; and you will be comforted over Jerusalem." 

(Isaiah 66:12-13)

The Last Three Weeks

Well, January kinda flew by without my permission. The first week or so was relatively quite, despite being diagnosed with severe anemia again. (Seems I like to start my years off right!). More iron infusions are on their way. Then I came down with THE influenza.  Not just the sniffles and a tummy bug. The eight-days-flat-on-your-back-mommy-please-hold-me-influenza.  It was BAD and I kinda hate the dude at the CDC that screwed up this year's flu vaccine. I am, however, SO VERY thankful for my mother who came and stayed at our house, Lysol-ed the entire structure, lovingly took care of Isaac, made sure I didn't die, AND continued to work her own job full time. I seriously wouldn't have made it without her.  As I was quarantined for five of those eight days it was the first time Isaac had been away from me for more than 12 hours. I was deeply concerned about his little heart, but the timing of his recent unwavering trust of Gramma could not have been more perfect. Thank you Lord!  

Isaac continues to stay healthy (Hallelujah!), and just this week the literacy light flipped on in his little noggin. We practice the alphabet all the time and Wheel Of Fortune for letter learning has been a part of our evening routine for some months. But this week he seemed to figure out that letters make words...specifically the letters on Momma's Old Navy t-shirt that she wears to bed actually says something. AND if you put the right letters together it spells...ISAAC!  I can't tell you how stinking exciting this is. Reading can be difficult for many with Down syndrome and I've been determined that we would be successful in jumping that hurdle...honestly, I thought we were still a year or two away from any success.  Seems, my little boy has other plans. For days he's been singing (and signing) "Eye. S. A! A! C. Isaac". It makes my heart simply beam.  

He also has a new interest in cars and dirt (kind of...wait for the photos below) and wrestling. I love seeing my boy be a boy and I've been trying to find ways to encourage boyhood.  Today we went and played in the park, chased the ducks, found cool sticks and...fell in the mud. That was fun for about four steps in the puddle without a shoe.  :)

Winter in the Pacific Northwest 

 He biffed it in a mud puddle, lost a shoe and got water up his nose. He handled it surprisingly well, but you can see the progression of: Akk, get me out of here. Wait, where is my shoe??  Mom!  I'M DONE!!!!!!!!

*hehe*
I'm so very happy I'm the mommy he gets to freak out at when he is covered in mud.
He got to ride home half naked and while eating Chinese crackers.
All is well in the world.

My handsome little boy. 

Photo-A-Day Holiday Edition: Day 29, The Last Day

Twenty-nine days of our life in photos. This ended up being a bit more work than I anticipated, but when I flipped through all the photos today it kinda seemed worth it.

What says Christmas morning more than a little boy in his Christmas pjs and his new remote control fire truck?
He had a good day. Said 'thank you' after every gift and sometime before when he thought it was high time for him to open something.  He snuggled with his Gramma. He danced with his cousins and somehow survived the day on crackers & guacamole. Santa dropped off the final gift...a book about Jesus's birthday.
Merry Christmas!

Photo-A-Day Holiday Edition: Days 21-28

The final days of our Photo-A-Day project...

Day 21: Fudge-a-licious   

150 pieces of fudge got made & packaged up for Isaac's teachers today.
Creme de mente, peanut butter, peppermint cream & cake batter fudge.
Yummmmmmmmm.

Day 22: Hand Print Art

A couple times a year I bust out the paints and we make a mother-son hand print art project.
It's a fun way to see how much he has grown.
His cute little fingers aren't so short & pudgy any more..
*Sniff*

Day 23: Fa-La-La

This is the Christmas CD compilation on the passenger seat right now.
That's right...classic Amy Grant, Pink Martini, Duck Dynasty & Casting Crowns are all getting equal play.
Not sure what that says about the depth of my musical taste. :)

Day 24: Gingerbread Fail

I planned ahead and bought a pre-fab gingerbread house for us to put together.
Then I nearly lost my salvation trying to put the dumb thing together.
So...we made gingerbread patios and enjoy every morsel. 

Day 25: Cuzzies on the Lord's side

It was an impromptu Cuzzie Christmas this afternoon.
Aren't they just the cutest kids of all time?!

Day 26: HARK! The Herald Donkey...?

I don't know why he thinks this is so funny, but he replaces the singing angel with a donkey every time.
Now, when you push it, the donkey sings "Away in a Manger"...and that is weird...and I'll admit, pretty hilarious. :)

Day 27: School Choir

He's been practicing "Go Tell It On The Mountain" for months with his preschool class to sing during the school pageant. He even took over the roll of choir director!  But as soon as he saw me in the audience he froze. I ended up in the choir pit with him (without my camera) singing the song into a table leg with him because, apparently it looked like a microphone. So the big school performance ended up with just one (awkward) photo with his sweet teacher. 

Day 28: Christmas Eve

He curled up in my bed and grabbed my Bible and my heart melted.

One more day to go...