Birth Mothers Day 2019

Isaac and I have spent the last 6 years visiting the Chinese park near our house on Birth Mother's Day. We bring flowers and he runs around the park with an abandon that he doesn't have at other parks. I think he knows it's his special place. I really struggled this year with how to integrate both cultures of my children in honoring their first mothers. There isn't a heck of a lot of Albanian cultural references hanging around the Pacific Northwest, you know? I went as far as to check if there was a statue of a man on a horse anywhere near by...something that could represent the giant statue of Skenderbeg on his horse in downtown Tirana.  Nope. Tacoma is desperately shy of horse statues (we do have an overload of metal fish attempting to swim in fountains though, which was of no help).  So I settled on visiting Isaac's Chinese park with my two kiddos and a picnic lunch of Greek-as-Albanian-as-we-can-get favorites of Mila's. 

I don't think either of my goofballs truly understands why we walk through this exercise every year, but I want them to know their first mothers and the women who cared for them before I arrived are special; they are worthy of honor. And even if it is just this mother's heart carrying the love of all of those women on this day, I suppose it is a worth while tradition to have. 

Isaac's first momma: I think I've come to terms with our relationship. Maybe its simply the time that I've had to process who you may be and how I came to be your son's mother, but I did grieve hard for you the first year. I so desperately want you to know that he is safe, he is loved, he is healthy and thriving and I'm sure his sense of humor would absolutely crack you up every day like he does me. He is my delight. I want you to know that.

Mila's first momma: My heart breaks for you differently. I know your name and some details of what you look like. I know the tragic story of how your daughter came to be mine. I don't think a momma ever really heals from the loss of a child, but I suspect your hurt is deep. In many ways I am scared to bring you up with our daughter, as if somehow that would stir the pain on your side of the world too. Where ever you are, know that she is alive and healthy and becoming a fine young lady. The Sisters took wonderful care of her and I am doing my best to follow in their foot steps. That little extra chromosome that caused so much fear at her birth hasn't stopped her from living life.  She is stubborn and sassy and smart and wonderfully social. She makes friends so very easily; people don't have to be scared of Down syndrome when she is around. Your heart can rest at ease...she is safe. She is loved.

   

52 Weeks of Family: Week 28

Mila:

It turns out you REALLY like to water the plants in the garden!  Whoop!  Guess who is getting their own space to grow your own garden?!  I read somewhere that a garden can help establish permanency; that in planting, watering, weeding, & harvesting someone needs to be physically and emotionally present.  And while I do believe you know you aren't going back to Albania, I have yet to figure out if you realize this house, this family is YOURS forever. For most adoption families the "tipping point" is when you've spent more time with your new family than in the orphanage (for Isaac is was near his 4th birthday and there was a noticeable difference), but that won't happen until you are nearly 27 years old so we've got to get creative here.  So a garden it is.  A work in progress just for you. 

We are also finding more and more ways to spend time outside in ways that make you feel safe...wide open spaces, level ground and water!  We walked around Waughop Lake which you thoroughly enjoyed and you spent over an hour happily throwing rocks in the Puget Sound after a picnic lunch. 

Your heart is also softening towards your brother; you are letting him in and seeking him out. The love has come softly for you, but I think we may have turned a major corner. 

In other news, I taught you how to dip french fries in a frosty and outside of knowing Jesus, this may be the most important thing I ever teach you.  You're welcome. <3

Isaac:

Four mornings a week you help me drop off Mila at her classroom and honestly, you've struggled with that transition.  I'm embarrassed to say it's taken me five months to figure out that dropping off your beloved sister is, indeed, a major transition during your day---your sister LEAVES you and does things without you, in a different place then she magically appears again at your school in the afternoons. It was the Holy Spirit that prompted me "have them say good-bye"  Duh. So now every morning you give Mila a high five and a hug before she goes into her classroom and life has been so much better for you in the mornings!  I feel like an idiot for not connecting the dots in a little boy that has struggled with separation anxiety, but I am thankful for the Lord's faithfulness in guiding our family...and protecting your heart, especially when I don't know how. 

You put together your first complete verbal sentence---SIX words in order without any prompts!  "Momma, I want window up, please"  YEAH!!!!   We are on a break from speech therapy right now but you have absolutely thrived in feeding off your sister's speech progress. I'm so proud of you!

Me:

We officially became a minivan family this week!  This feels like a major transition that will provide for our little family for many years to come.  It also meant saying goodbye to one of the last vestiges of Life Before Kids.  I don't mourn that life, but it is fun to see how much growth Isaac had in our Jeep:

Its already easier for Mila to get in and out with her hips and we have a list of day trips and road trips that VanWithoutAName will take us on.  I'm excited for the minivan life...and the cup holders!!

52 Weeks of Family: Week 27

Mila:

I've been sorting through a random selection of photos of you during your time Before Family.  I am so very thankful for the people in the hospital nursery that loved you well for two years, then at the baby orphanage and finally the institution. They made sure you were safe, cared for and exposed to some life outside the walls of the dorm, and they ALL loved Jesus. We now have photos of you as young as 19 months old! As well as spattering of photos of having adventures with your roommates and Sisters throughout your toddler- and childhood. I don't have dates or the stories behind them but we have pieces of your puzzle that many adoption families do not have and for that I am thankful.  As I put together your Shutterfly book, I hope these photos are a safe place for you to revisit your past and the people who loved you there. 

She is the cutie patotie on the right. 

Second or third birthday at the Baby Orphanage

Two of your favorite people at the institution 

You are becoming more engaging with your brother, even pulling him into you and being playful. Your go-to game right now is to tickling him and attempting to cradle him like a baby "Mommy!  Es Baby Isaac!" ...then Isaac pretends to cry and I have to scoop him up and rock him like a 57 pound infant.  It's fun for everyone! *wink*  Your relationship with him is a process and we've learned that Acts of Service is definitely how you show your love for your brother; you'll refuse to say sorry to him, but you'll willingly pick up his toys in repentance. I can see your heart's attitude through it all, and I suppose that is the most important part.

Riding the light rail train together.

Congrats, honey!  You told me you were hungry for the very first time!  We were out doing errands and several hours past lunch (I didn't plan well that day, sorry). It was quiet in the car and all of a sudden you yell HUNGER! from the backseat. I nearly drove off the road!  Mila, are you hungry? Do you want to eat?  Then all peaceful & demur-like you responded with a why yes, mother dearest, how ever did you know: Yes, Mommy *insert big smile*   I could tell that the word was uncomfortable for you and you needed to try it on for size. And the way you devoured TWO cheeseburgers made me wonder how long you had sat in the back pulling the word from your verbal flash cards, but you did it.  

Also...you can't say FLAMINGO!  It comes out TELE-FINGER every time!  *hahaha*

Isaac:

You have grown ANOTHER inch! I can see the inch this time as you stand head & shoulders over the kitchen counter that used to tower of you as I cooked. You've recently learned to unload the dishwasher and think this is the BEST fun (I promise not to tell you otherwise). I didn't realize this new skill had transferred over to putting away shopping items, until I couldn't find the qtips I had asked you to put in my bathroom (expecting them to be in the sink or thrown in the closet with my shoes)...until I found them opened and put away nicely in the qtip drawer.  ?!?!  

We've been working on the art of sibling compromise. What does one do when your sister doesn't want to do what you want to do?? Melting down is not an option, so let's build some skills.  For the most part, I've been letting the two of you figure it out and you've actually been doing a pretty good job of working it through.  Sometimes when you want to listen to Aladdin in the car and Mila wants to listen to Frozen she'll yell "Later Aladdin!!", but you've learned that that sometimes works. "Momma? Numba 1 Woah-zen? Numba 2 Ah-waah-din?" (Hey Mom! If we listen to Frozen, first can we listen to Aladdin next?)  Yup, we can do that.  Other times, you have anticipated the compromise and come up with your own plan: "Dista? Wy-on King or Mouse CooKEE. Ok?" (Sister, do you want to watch Lion King or If You Give A Mouse a Cookie? I've already determined these are your only two choices because that's what I want to watch, so pick one.)  That actually works too. I am proud of you both working through your wants & needs in a peaceful manner. A lot of adults can't do that!

Me:
James 1:27 was one of the first scriptures that I ever intentionally memorized. I was 16 years old and wanted to KNOW this verse--what God was saying and why.  Of course, I had no idea what the Lord had planned for me!  Fast forward twenty-some-odd years and I just came across this interpretation of my beloved scripture:

"One of the purest and most un-defiled demonstrations of the Gospel is to move towards hard places & broken people, not away from them. And in doing so, our world view is consistently reoriented to the God's heart for us, unaffected by the affairs of the world"


Oohhh.  Isn't that good?! 

52 Weeks of Family: Week 26

And just like that we've crossed the six month mark...

Mila:

The hunt continues to find the things that engage you and that you enjoy. It's difficult to ask you as both the language barrier and lack of experience hinders the response.  So, we've been trying new things out. Some things are a bust. Some things are an unexpected surprise...seems you enjoy painting projects, so we did a couple of them this week. 

I've also been working on finding outdoor spaces that you enjoy/tolerate. We spend a lot of time outdoors as a family and I've been intentional in training your brother to hike through the woods. You haven't done so well in wooded areas, but wide open spaces, lakes and beaches are enjoyable places for you. At a local beach park you INITIATED chasing the birds (something your brother taught you while we were in San Diego) and got irritated at Isaac and I when we weren't walking to the beach fast enough for you (?!?!). You happily schlepped over the uneven surfaces and threw rocks in the Sound for a half hour.  (When you got stuck on the way back and I ended up carrying you on my back while guiding Isaac up the hill, over the rocks at the same time...your momma used her muscles on that little adventure!)

Then it was your first Easter! I knew this was a holiday that you would have experienced with the Sisters in Albania, but clearly not the American way (how does one explain, exactly, the whole Jesus raising from the dead/pass the ham & rolls/giant rabbit hiding chicken eggs filled with chocolate?? It really makes zero sense). 

You worshiped your little heart out at church singing "The grave is empty, empty, empty! He is worthy, worthy, worthy!" I suppose it doesn't matter what all the fluff is, when you know where your Hope lies. <3 

Isaac:

You taught your sister how to chase birds and throw rocks in the water and to climb on Momma when you get stuck...which is also the exact same plot line of the animal planet documentary we just watched, so...thanks for that. *wink*

There is a 25 min gap in the mornings after we drop off Mila and before you go into school that has become Momma-Isaac time. Sometimes we just sit in the car and listen to music or goof off, sometimes we do a quick errand together, whatever it is it's the quality time that you live off of. 

You are naturally humorous, but you've picked up on your sister's sass and think it's hysterical to make The Mila Face for the camera now...and I won't lie, it kinda is.

You told your pediatrician this week that you are "trong wike Maui" while flexing your muscles in your underwear. You also painted your face instead of your project, including two giant paintbrush-fulls of black paint directly INTO your tiny ear canals...you know the ones you put your expensive Super Ears in every day. Getting that out was not fun for either of us and you declared "all done ear paint". Uh, yeah. That sounds like a really good plan.  Good thing you are cute. 

You did a good job of letting your sister find some of the Easter eggs in the back yard and then trading out all your chocolate for her marshmallow peeps. (That trade actually worked really well for everyone). You held hands during worship and made sure to tell everyone "Jesus be right back!" because that is, indeed, the Hope we have in Him...He is coming for us all...He'll be right back. 

Me:

During our time in Albania we ate SO MANY wonderful local foods and I became obsessed with figuring out the recipe of one particular desert and it was my goal to do so before Easter. Having no translation for what we had eaten I scoured the internet for what this custard-like cake could even be like, then pieced together several semi-translated recipes to match a single photo I had taken the night we had eaten this heavenly item. It's taken months and several test runs, but I figured it out!! I am so stinking proud of myself. For whatever reason it was really important to me that my Mediterranean daughter have this Greek cake for the only holiday that would be even slightly familiar to her. So in addition to our ham & rolls, we had Greek salad and baked feta and Ekmek cake...of which she did not even try BUT that is not the point. I set a goal and feel like I accomplished a big task and now we have a family recipe that will be passed down to the generations and talked about at church potlucks for years to come. 

Hope. Redemption. His unbelievable, unshakable pursuit of our hearts. His adoption of us as His own.  That is Easter.