52 Weeks of Family: Week 41

Mila:

I misjudged your trauma-versary by a week...this is the week that you've been particularly insecure, needing to be by my side at all times, even sitting against the door when I go into the bathroom.  My heart breaks to know that your little heart is not yet settled in this new, SAFE, normal; it's not yet permanent for you; mommy could leave at any moment...even sneaking through some mystery door in the bathroom never to be seen again. It's particularly hard when you repeat the Albanian phrase for "I love you very much" for hours on end. As if you needed to convince me to love you, that if you said it just one more time maybe that would be enough to solidify this arrangement. I honestly don't know what to do for you in those moments other than to hold your face or your hand, tell you are ok, you are safe and you are loved.  Te dua forte, Mila. Te dua forte. 

I think the end of day camp was a bit of a trigger too. You've gone every day for the whole of July and now August just looms nebulous until school starts. You miss the structure of school and your teachers and friends.   We did get to arrange for your first little "party" with one of your friends from school. This was a first for you and her and you were particularly excited!  We went to the store and you picked out drinks and snacks. Then to the pizza place to pre-order a pizza to be delivered--I was so thankful of the staff at our local Papa Johns, they totally played into the excitement of it all and made sure you got the full pizza party experience (is that even a thing?!)  If the amount of food & drink consumed during a movie watch is any indication of success, I think you can count your first event a huge hit! (seriously, where do two teenagers and a 2nd grader put two large pizzas and 2 liters of fanta??)

One delightful moment this week was you playing in the little backyard pool. Its the first time I've seen you unabashedly playful and exploring your environment. Absolutely glee was oozing from you as you pounced and floated and splashed and played all on your own in 16 inches of water. "Mommy!  Mommy!  Mila Ariel!" even asking for the Little Mermaid soundtrack to accompany you. *wink*

Isaac:

You have SO MUCH ENERGY right now. SO MUCH. I told a friend it was "go go go. move move move. dance, twist, jump. noise, shout, run. Lather, rinse, repeat"  Whew.  I've got you in the pool every evening followed by a bath. I'm shocked you aren't some sort of rare Asian raisin by now. 

This week I found a jr basketball hoop to see if that would help get some energy out too...turns out you are REALLY good at basketball!  (You are also really good at going into the street to get a runaway ball...THAT is a skill we need to dial back...quickly)

Me:

I completed another spin around the solar system today...number 42.  I wonder what I would have said if the Lord would have told me at 22 or 32 that this would be the life I would lead?  Honestly, I think if He would have said "Go forth and care for orphans in Borneo thus saith the Lord" that would have made a lot of sense. But I left two meetings this week with local foster/adoption agencies to discuss work partnerships and I left both with a burning righteous anger. Ten percent (10%) of foster children in my state are staying in hotels at night because there are not enough licensed foster homes locally.  A ten-day old infant was discharged from the hospital to one of those hotels. TEN DAYS OLD.  One sweet 4 year old who has been in foster care has had TWENTY FIVE placements in 18 months....that's a new foster home every 2 weeks. If those two stories alone don't break your heart...? These precious children aren't in Borneo or China or Albania, they are in my own community! I know my little family is at max capacity right now, but I am committing the next 42 years to making sure I can help others step forward and fight for the hearts of God's most vulnerable children. James 1:27 is clear that we all get to DO something to care for the widow and orphan.  Let's start DOING more! Let's support at risk mothers so they can parent their children. Let's support foster families so they can focus on loving their 'for now' child through The Unbelievable Hard. Let's get Bible centered families in Washington State licensed to foster so every child that comes in contact with 'the system'  also comes into the loving presence of Jesus.  Let's get help finance families to step into the great unknown of special needs and/or international adoption---it's only money and it literally saves lives.   Just look at those two faces who call me mom (one bazillion times per day); I can't imagine any life without them. 

52 Weeks of Family: Week 40

Mila:

This was a big trauma-versary week. I year ago I left you behind in Albania not knowing when your we would be back to get you. I've been praying over this week for a while and watching you closely to see how your heart would respond. You'v needed to be close to me all week not even allowing me to take the garbage out without your supervision, but otherwise you've seemed settled. (Maybe it was more of a trauma-versary for me?!) I am so very thankful for the Peace that made the world lives in our home too <3

You and I are finding our groove in several areas. In the times when I need to "proactively parent" you *wink*, you aren't melting down or shutting down. In fact, this week I was so proud of you when you took the time to weigh out the consequence to a decision and reverse course and start over. I literally pumped my fist in the air--you did it!!  Yes, it feels like something that a two year would do, but it is a major character milestone in our relationship together. I am so proud of you!

Watering Gramma's flowers

You and I are also finding things that we can laugh at together; the language and the relationship have come far enough along that we can have our own inside jokes. I know it was hard for you in your first months home to see your brother & I joking with each other and having fun. It was a difficult realization for me too that nothing was going to fix that except time, but I think after 9 months home we are crossing that line. Your current favorite thing to do is to declare something "po'loco" (poco loco) and I am desperate to get a message back to one of your favorite Sisters who is from Spain to tell her.  What's even better is when you use your token Spanish phrase with an Albanian word to describe something in English...to your Chinese brother.   "Oh Isaaci!  Look!  Po'loco floka"  (her hair is crazy!) 

You are clipping along revisiting your developmental milestones, thankfully faster than a biological pace. I was worried that if it took you 14 years to revisit all that you missed without a family that it you will be nearly 30 before we start with any forward movement *yikes*, but you seem to be picking the important ones and checking them off the list pretty quick. Right now Baby Bear is a very important part of your life. You've named him (that's huge) and you carry him around the house, snuggle him and play with him during quiet time.  You are also fascinated by anticipatory songs & games like Pop Goes the Weasel and Five Little Monkeys.  You watch my face so closely waiting for the BIG moment and then giggle wildly when the monkey falls of the bed or the spider makes it up the spout!  It makes my heart happy to know that I get to revisit these important moments with you. 

Isaac:

Someone taught you how to stick out your tongue...and not in the cute way. Errggg.  And somehow your off switch is stuck in the ON position = LOUD ALL THE TIME. Loud with your body, loud with your mouth, loud when you sleep, loud when you eat, just bundle of talking, moving energy. Good heavens child.  I'm taking you on walks and runs and swims and hops and whatever else I can think of to help find the OFF switch again but I suspect this is part of a significant growth spurt.  Suddenly, I just can't lift & carry you like I used to and all of your clothes "shrunk in the wash" seemingly over night. Sometimes I watch you when you are sleeping with your long legs taking up (my!) entire bed and I cannot help but wonder what your first family looked like. Your birth daddy must have been tall and strong..."Wike Maui!" as you like to say. *wink*

Me:

I think I really was worried about how Mila would respond to this week's anniversary. I still cringe thinking about the day we dropped her back off at the institution and drove away without her. We made it a celebration with cake & dancing and spun it as this amazing send-off so momma could get her room ready for her to come home to, but the reality was there were so many unknowns spinning out of control I didn't even know if this adoption would even be approved...which meant I wouldn't return and she would never have a family. The burden of that knowledge...that yoke, did NOT feel easy. Then I think of all the people who attempt to walk this journey of adoption and redemption WITHOUT the Lord---holy hannah, THAT WOULD BE HARD. There is no hope in the hard without Jesus. None. Despite all the crazy unknowns we've traversed thus far (and I'm sure more to come), I am ecstatic I haven't had to do it without God's promised gift of Peace and Rest...and Joy. 

 

52 Weeks of Family: Week 39

Mila:

Due to a scheduling glitch one day last week I needed to send you to day camp by yourself--no Isaac, no Miss A, no Mommy, no Gramma...just Mila.  We talked about it for days. I called the camp director. I sent a letter to your camp counselors. I made arrangements to drop you off late and pick you up early...YOU LOVED IT.  You had one question only "Mommy come back?"  YES, Mommy ALWAYS comes back--then you were fine.  You had such a good time I decided to let you do it again this week just one day and you literally skipped and squealed on the way in! In all the ways that I have to force myself to remember that you aren't really 14 years old, I do have to take the time to remember that some times you are and having some independence, especially socially is probably a really good thing for you. I hope you look forward to your 'free day' this week too <3 

That little emotional/attitude breakthrough we had last week has continued and we've been working hard on being respectful. I think it's normal adolescent stuff, but the language barrier still makes things difficult for me to clearly decipher what you understand and what is still a foreign concept. We had a good talk on your bed this week--back & forth conversation! (a first!)--after I needed to tell you no. I hope you are absorbing that a No is not a denial of love or affection, that is indeed the growth of a healthy relationship.  You did a few little things this week that help me see that you are starting to accept this--you asked for a picture of just you and I, then you leaned in:

You also trusted me to walk you through a wooded path (that I honestly didn't know we were going to have to walk through--sorry honey!) to get to a beach, then you asked me to walk you through uneven ground to the water (I can't overstate what a big deal this is! Previously, you have REFUSED to walk on ground you don't trust--I've literally had to carry you). 

You also interacted with our dinner prayer. This may seem small but for 39 weeks now we've taken hands as a family at dinner and I've asked you if you want to pray, which you quickly refuse. This week you've initiated taking my hands and then reminded me mid prayer to pray for your camp counselors "mom!  Miss 'Manda! Miss Zoe!"  Oh gosh, yes.  Dear Jesus, please bless Miss 'Manda and Miss Zoe at camp.  *insert a big smile of approval from you*

Isaac:

As much as you love day camp, you've been a bit overwhelmed by the constant activity and I think the stimulation of some of the other  & older day campers.  So we changed up your schedule to go to camp just a couple days a week and that is working much better for you. In fact, one of the days this week was Bike Day with specialized adaptive bikes provided---it was the first time you've been able to ride a bike and it made me cry!  Little boys should ride bikes and it's an experience that I just haven't been able to find the right resource for you to have independently.  But we are on a mission now!  (Also, if anyone has any connections to adaptive bikes, please send them my way! Adaptive bikes are about $1500 each. yikes!)

We took a little walk around the city this week and you had your camera-ready face with you!

Me:

We are finding our summer groove with a summer nanny, day camp, a new job and the instant pot. The job is offering a lot more flexibility which allows me to get home earlier and enjoy more of the day with my goofballs. We've been to the beach this week, had picnics in the park, walked the city and played a lot in the backyard pool. We all have tans now and the neighbors don't seem to mind the barrage of Disney show-tunes that waft from the family room window. I would even describe our days as 'really good' recently. No major meltdowns or sickness or issues that we can't at least waddle through together--just lots of normal family stuff: "Isaac stop telling Mila to relax.  Mila, relaxing might actually be a good idea. Mila, please use gentle words. Isaac, don't stick your tongue out. Isaac, if you walk slow in front of your sister she is going to bump into you, you can't get mad at that. Mila running to get in the car before your brother so you can lock your side of the van so he won't get in and try to take ONE of your FOUR cup holders *eyeroll*...is nicely done; next time, make sure your sandals are strapped you'll be even faster."  You know...that kinda of stuff.  

52 Weeks of Family: Week 38

It's been a big week of transition: the kids started day camp with their summer nanny Miss A and I started my new job!

Mila:

I thought maybe being at a camp with 60 other students with special needs would be an institutional trigger for you, but you jumped right in and have done great!  You gravitate to your counselors "mine new friends, mom!" and hover at the edge of the group activities but you are engaging excited to go every day. In fact, at the end of the week you got to go to camp by yourself---no Isaac, no Miss A. I rushed from work to pick you up and you barely acknowledged my existence "oh hey mom".  Um...hi? Ready to go home? I hope that means that you feel safe and secure in this new environment. Annnnnndddd, as much as I know you won't admit it, you like having your brother at camp with you. You have lunch together every day and hang with each other and Miss A during free time. 

We took a little field trip together to Pike Place Market--your first visit and your eyes nearly came out of your head when you saw all the flowers!  We bought you a huge bouquet and they are now blooming beautifully in your room <3 (Does anyone know if a kids gardening club or the like?? I want to jump on this gardening bug she has!)

I feel like we had another little breakthrough in the attachment department. Up till now, your response to any redirection or gentle parenting has been shame. You shut down hard and often hide from me in your room. We've made progress in how long it takes you to recover (the first time it was close to two hours!), but my heart breaks to see you run & hide in shame. You aren't perfect, honey. It's my job to guide and correct you into safety & maturity; Jesus does the same thing to us.  But yesterday after being quietly corrected you ran into your room and my heart sank thinking 'how long this time?'...then just moments later you came running back. "Mommy??"  Yes, Mila. I'm here for you.  "Te dua forte, Mommy (I love you)"  There you go!  A crack in the ice---we did it! Shame is such an ugly burden to bear, honey. Adam & Eve picked up that yoke after sinning and we've all have carried along since. I need you know, daughter: I may get tired, I may get frustrated but I am determined to show you you can't outrun the love God gave me for you...or the Love He IS for you. 

Isaac:
You are doing a great job at day camp.  In fact on Day 1 you were given a Science award (you knew that red +blue = purple all on your own!)

By the end of the week, you were feeling a bit overwhelmed by the continuous activity and movement at camp (they make sure you sleep HARD when you get home!) so I think we'll switch some things up next week, but I am proud of of how well you navigated so much change in a week. That has been a struggle in the past, so I am proud of your growth. 

Meet and greet at church can be a little overwhelming at times with loads of people getting in your face all at once and you & I have been working on looking people in the eyes while shaking hands (with a strong grip!) and introducing yourself.  It's taken a while to get the first two steps coordinated and this weekend you initiated the third all on your own! I was chatting with someone when I heard  next to me  "Isaac!  I Isaac!" while shaking the noodles of the gentleman's hand behind us...while looking directly in his face. Yippee! You've got it buddy!

Me:

We made it through the first big week of change!  I hit the ground running in my new job as I'm heading up two new clinic projects in our county, one of which is a new foster & adoption clinic WHOOT! I'm thrilled to be able to be on the ground floor of this exciting adventure--and to serve families on the front lines is even better. 

  

And to top the week off, my goal was to make a new instant pot recipe every evening to get some practice for the fall. One spectacular failure which resulted in popcorn for dinner and several wins added to the monthly rotation = I'm happy. 

The progression of family selfie pictures:

52 Weeks of Family: Week 37

Mila:
You celebrated your first Independence Day as an American!  I knew telling you it was America's Birthday would get your attention...you asked for cake all day long. *wink*  But settled for grilled brats, home cooked baked beans, and raspberry from your little garden. I don't think you could look any more American than this...

You are doing an amazing job with your little garden. The raspberries are in full bloom as is the rhubarb. You were simply flabbergasted to see me pluck the rhubarb from the dirt, wash it then cook it into a cake. The magic was simply too much for your brain to take in!  There is a tomato ready to ripen and I think you will be particularly proud to eat that.  I'm so glad this garden has been such a healing place for you. And it's been a good place that you and I can have some time together. 

One of the things we are working on is helping you graduate from quickly having all your needs and wants met to accepting a 'no, not right now' with some grace. I'll admit it's a tough transition but there is no easy way around it. To encourage your attachment and language I've 'rewarded' positive behaviors and communication but we are at a place now where I need you to feel the next level of safety and trust and attachment from within the loving boundaries of No. You are, of course, not a fan, but we'll get there. You have been shunning me at first, but are quickly coming to me with your disappointment. THIS IS SO GOOD. If I can teach you to run to me with your hurt, pain, shame and disappointment, you will do the same with Jesus and that is the ultimate goal. 

Isaac:

You have been doing a remarkable job lately of sharing with your sister, without being asked. You've witnessed Mila's voracious appetite and frequently will offer extras off your plate to her, or sneak her snacks in the back of the car. I could not figure out how you had eaten nearly an entire package of green grapes on the way home from the store...until I heard your sister smacking her lips; you were passing her 1, 2, 3 at a time. She didn't say thank you, but did you notice that she happily let you pick the next song in the car?  That's how she does it, buddy; she shows her love and appreciation in her own way. 

We've been alternating between watching American Ninja Warrior and So You Think You Can Dance in our 20min pre-bedtime routine. You absolutely LOVE SYTYCD. L-O-V-E.  Sitting together watching has been a perfect opportunity to talk about different dance style and different feelings...it's ok to be sad and happy and mad and loving and that it is all good; that there are good ways to show all those things.  You have been particularly excited about Contemporary dance, clearing the floor to jump and spin and contort in ways only your extra chromosome will let you. I'm desperate to get video of this. Until then, I'm eagerly looking for a dance class that can meet our needs..and little tykes basketball. Dude, you've got game!

One of my summer goals for you is to cook dinner at least once per week. It is good 1:1 time for the two of us and you love all the sensory input...especially making meteor meatballs this week!  Nothing like sticking your hands in a bowl full of zucchini, egg and ground chicken!!  (No after picture because we ATE THEM ALL. Delicious!)

Me:

I love the 4th of July!  God Bless America Day is real thing. I decorate and hijack the radio for Lee Greenwood's God Bless the USA on repeat. But fireworks after bedtime is a real bummer for kids that crash at 7pm. In fact, Isaac has yet to see a 4th of July fireworks event.  But after tucking them both in and then the neighborhood exploding into a full ballistic zone, but were all awake at 10pm...so I took us outside to enjoy the show. They LOVED it! And I couldn't help but think 'this is what they are going to remember. That time that Mom arranged for a full fireworks show in the backyard and just happened to have sparklers (four years old in the back of the garage) and juice boxes and soft cozy blankets to watch the show'...and then it became a special memory for me too. Between all the appointments and intentional parenting and therapies and books to read and attempting work/life/mommy balance, moments like this is what gets filed away in everyone's memory banks. <3