52 Weeks of Family: Week 22

Mila:

What a drastic difference this week was from last week...and hallelujah for that! You were peaceful and engaged and at ease. A weight had been lifted and I don't even know what the weight was or how it got there to begin with. I secretly wonder if your dental procedure was a big trigger for you? If waking in pain and in a strange place was just too much for your tender heart? If the one person you are learning to trust 'did that to' you and it pushed you back into "gotta protect myself" mode?  I want to promise that that will be the last time something scary happens, sweet heart but I can't guarantee that. I can and will promise that you will have a Mommy at your side no matter what. Your heart can learn to trust that---Mommy is always here, even during the really yucky weeks when you are doing everything to push people away. And Mommy is still here during the good weeks when you are opening your heart up again.  That's what mommies do. That's what YOUR mommy does.

In an attempt to redeem a meltdown experience at a local park from last week, I took you back but to a different area with wide open spaces and no looming trees with dirt paths. You saw the docks on the lake and ran to see if there were any fish...like, literally RAN; this isn't something that you do.  We spent a half hour just watching the water and different men fishing from the dock. I had no idea this would be something you would enjoy. (I made a mental note to see if we get the Fishing Channel on our satellite...you know, for my 14 year old daughter?!)

You also really enjoyed seeing the fish at a special event at the local aquarium. Again, I did not see that coming. You had no interest in the touch tank (which I expected) but you happily roamed from tank to tank looking at the different sea-life, even correcting me when I miss identified an elephant seal ?!?!  (Do they have a lot of elephant seals in Albania?!) 

 I think what made me most proud was how you responded when an over eager volunteer put an otter pelt too close to your face. You immediately stood up and declared "Mommy, scared. All done" and waited for me to escort you out. You didn't meltdown or storm off. You calmly told me what you were feeling and trusted that I was going to respond in a way to make you feel safe---in this case we left the area. That was a HUGE moment of growth, honey.  We are getting the hang of this. 

Isaac:

Your response at the special zoo event was slightly different...and classic Isaac, I must admit. While quietly listening to the zookeeper about the bald eagle she was holding, you raised your hand to ask a question--and because it was in sign and Isaac-speak I had to translate the following: "Yes, um, my son would like to know if the, uh, you know bald eagle, knows the words to Jingle Bells"  I looked to you to confirm this is actually what you wanted to know and you nodded your head vigorously. "Yes, ma'am. Can the eagle indeed sing Jingle Bells?"  Sadly, the eagle did not know the words to Jingle Bells and because you asked the same question of the ferret handler and the barn owl person, we can confirm that 100% of those animals are not familiar with the age old Christmas classic, Jingle Bells.  I have ZERO clue why this question was so important to you but I was proud of how you sought an answer to a question that clearly was burning a hole in your head. 

Does not appear to have the face that hums a Christmas jingle frequently. 

Probably wondering if those crabs can single Jingle Bells. We didn't have a chance to ask.

Isaac, you are a hugger. You are just a physical kid in any manner, but you speak HUGS fluently. That is not a language your sister has felt comfortable with and that has been a struggle as you seek ways to communicate with her, so we have had to talk a lot about ASKING if Mila wants a hug and being okay if she says no thank you. Being the flirtatious kid that you are, you found a work around: you open your arms up wide, flash your award winning smile and declare "Come here, Sista. I hug you, ok?!" and then you go in with a sneaker-hug...and it works every time.  Your sister melts into you and then I melt from across the room.  Good job, buddy. You are winning her heart. 

Me:

I've been re-reading Hinds Feet on High Places, something I do every 10 years or so, and was reminded again just how often I need to lay down my own will before the Lord--my will for myself, my will for my family, my will for our future.  My own understanding of how to walk my children through healing and safety is never going to be enough, and honestly not really my primary purpose. I have been given the role of handmaiden/helpmate/little shepherd girl on their journey to the Lord but I don't get to choose their path, their hurdles or their healing. When I do lay down my will, I get to see the Lord at work in their lives and it's pretty awesome.